Yesterday evening I was at a friend’s place. Her daughter came home from play, greeted me good evening and asked me a question that poked my social conscience. She asked, “Aunty, I have two friends Arpita and Vicky. Mom asks me to call Arpita by her name and call Vicky bhaiyya (brother). He is a friend of mine, just like Arpita. Why should I call him bhaiyya, why not friend?”

True; in our country right from childhood, many of us are asked to call our acquaintances of the opposite sex brother/sister even though biologically they are not our siblings. This is an honest effort from our elders to impart moral values to their children and I respect that. But honestly, I wonder how much this works. I’ve witnessed numerous instances where this word bhaiyya or didi(sister) lost its significance or was not given due regard.

In college, I’ve seen a couple of boys returning Rakhies because they didn’t genuinely feel like brothers to their friends of the opposite sex. No, they didn’t feel like boyfriends either. Their feelings were platonic towards the girls, just the way they would feel for boys. Of course there are those funny examples of boys not turning up in college on Rahki day fearing that girls would tie them Rakhi without confirming how they viewed them. Rather, in our community, it has become common for girls and boys to say no to a proposal sweetly by declaring “Oh! I’ve always regarded you as a brother/sister”. What an insult to that genuine relation that exists between a brother and sister!

Personally there were some situations where this word bhaiyya did not help me much in changing the disgusting attitude of some men I came across. For example, there was this boy in my locality who was trying to act ‘smart’ with me. I thought calling him bhaiyya, would drive some decency in him and he would start viewing me like his own sister. I did, but that didn’t seem to have any effect on him. Here again, I am hurt to convey that a chaste relationship is humiliated in the hands of a worthless person who does not know how to respect that relationship. But I don’t blame him for that. Rather, I blame myself for using the word for a roadside Romeo.

There’s this college buddy of mine who got married. Before marriage, he shared a very warm platonic relationship with a girl. After marriage the wife was not convinced that the relationship was platonic. This guy was left with no option but to ask his friend to tie a Rakhi to him to prove his innocence. Has the sibling relationship become so cheap that it’s used to appease a suspicious mind?

A college mate of mine would come to my house to do joint studies for a competitive exam. Some nosy neighbors started weaving stories. I had quite a time convincing them that he was just a friend who had come over to my place on some serious purpose. In our society do boys and girls have to mingle only when they have a serious purpose? Why does mixing with members of the opposite sex, on a platonic basis, invariably become an issue for gossip even to this day, when many of us claim to be so much evolved in our moral outlook?

According to me, the word bhaiyya is a very special one. I use it only for my biological brother(s) or for people towards whom I genuinely feel like a sibling and that too with their reciprocation. A brother-sister relationship is exclusive and with due respect for that, I don’t think I can generalize the relationship to every Tom, Dick and Harry I come across. Are we so unconfident of our moral attitudes that we have no choice but to harness them with an inappropriate moral label to establish our social relationships?

While going through financial blogs the other day, one particular blog caught my attention. It has listed the top ten most prestigious and least prestigious careers of America according to survey results. I was surprised to find journalism ranking 3rd in the least prestigious careers list!

Here’s the list:

10 MOST prestigious professions:

1. Firefighters
2. Scientist
3. Teacher
4. Doctor
5. Military Officer
6. Nurse
7. Police Officer
8. Minister/Priest/Clergy
9. Farmer
10. Engineer

10 LEAST prestigious professions:

1. Athlete
2. Business Executive
3. Journalist
4. Union Leader
5. Stockbroker
6. Entertainer
7. Accountant
8. Banker
9. Actor
10. Real Estate Agent/Broker

Here’s an excerpt from the author’s views on journalism

Despite being the voice of the people, journalists are on the list of least prestigious occupations in America, with only 13% of the American public consider the job to have “very great prestige” and about 16% of American public consider the job to have “hardly any prestige at all.” (Crap where does that put bloggers on the list then!?)

I want to draw your attention to this particular line “Crap where does that put bloggers on the list then!?” So how prestigious are we the bloggers, who spend hours writing and opinionating, in the eyes of Americans I want to know?

It seems the prestige meter is marked with reference to the nobleness of the profession, educational qualifications, work difficulty and the training rigor. I don’t think on any of these factors you can disqualify journalism. They say that firefighters top the list because they are putting themselves in hazardous situations to save the lives of others. Aren’t journalists too putting their lives in hazardous conditions to reveal information to the world? So, why are they in the bottom 3 prestigious job holders?

As far as my personal opinion is concerned, I feel every job is equally prestigious. In a land of equal opportunities, if this report were to be true, how did this discrepancy creep in?

You must surely go through this blog at Billshrink

Image credit: Masternewmedia

Yesterday I read in the newspapers that 10 diamonds will be made from Michael Jackson’s hair. A priceless gem that he was, is there a more befitting way to immortalize him? It seems these days quite a number of European and American families are opting for memorial diamonds as a token of remembrance of their near and dear ones. The blue diamond made from the locks of Beethoven was auctioned off for a whooping $200,000.

In some religions transforming ashes into gems is not acceptable and I respect their beliefs. As a personal opinion, I feel preserving your near and dear ones as a priceless gem with you always is very consoling. The brilliance of the sparkling stone will not only remind you of their worth when they were earthly beings, but also of their heavenly enlightenment after death.

Image Credit : Isrealidiamond

Don’t get provoked by the title and slap me. But this seems to be the motto of many families in Harayana. If you’ve got to get a bride for your son, just get your daughter married into the family of the bride. Weird isn’t it? As though this in itself is not enough, minor girls are being bartered to meet this almost-mandatory social custom.

I do understand many of us have got our sisters or daughters married in the families from which we bring daughters-in-law to our own houses, but that is something done out of your free will and personal preferences. Here it seems for many poor families exchanging their daughters for their sons’ brides, is the only alternative.

May I ask why? If I’m not mistaken is it because by exchanging you save on dowry? Or, is it because the bride’s parents want to ensure better security for their daughters? Or is it because it’s customary in some communities? After all how long will girls be treated as commodities?

Whatever the reason, how long will we walk in the dark tunnel of narrow-mindedness? There is light at the other end. Shouldn’t we quicken our pace to see light?

Image source: Topnews

News Source :The Economic Times

Writing out that very important document in which you’ve got to assign your property to the most deserving inheritor, is one of the toughest challenges faced by any parent. Every parent wants to meet his/her children’s expectations justly, but many a time this is not all that easy. Mr. Chintan is one such father who’s in a moral dilemma regarding the issue.

Mr. Chintan, the owner of an apartment in one of the posh localities of Kolkata, has a son and a daughter. Abhay, the son and the older child, is a top ranking officer in one of the most reputed MNCs of the country. He’s one of the highest paid officers of his organization. Sonu, the daughter, is divorced and largely dependent on her father. Her husband cleverly escaped compensation at the time of divorce and it was only after divorce that she took up a job to support herself. With her earnings, she manages to meet her personal expenses. She came to her parental home after divorce as she has nowhere else to go.

Abhay was a peculiar mix of good and bad. Being financially very comfortable, he always helped his father in financial issues. He contributed well at the time of any family crisis. In fact recently, Mr. Chintan underwent a major surgery for which Abhay shouldered the expenses. This is about the good side of Abhay, but his bad side is a matter of major concern. Being in an officially high position, he declared himself the boss of the house too. He was of the notion that by contributing financially to the family at the time of need, he was doing them a big favor for which each and every member of the family should be indebted to him. He considered himself a superior human being and the rest of the family inferior. His Hitlerian ways and inflated ego made it difficult for anyone to even engage in a friendly conversation with him, leave aside staying with him.

As Mr. Chintan is old, his concern for the security of his daughter after he’d be no more, has turned into anxiety. Usually parents entrust sons in taking responsibility of their daughters under these circumstances, but Mr. Chintan had no confidence that his traumatized daughter would live peacefully with her brother and his family. He realizes that Sonu does not have the capacity to build a house of her own. He decided to give her his apartment to ensure her some security in life. He reasoned that being in a financially good position his son had the capacity to buy or build a property with his own money and he did not really need his father’s property.

But some relatives and Abhay raised an objection saying that Abhay being the son, deserves his father’s property more than the daughter. Also Abhay feels that since he helped his father financially, he deserves to inherit his property. Abhay asked his father to transfer the ownership to him and that his sister could stay in it with him. But knowing his son’s nature, the father knows that he’ll not take care of his sister well. He fears that frequent disputes will ruin the peace of her already traumatized mind and she might be driven out the house for not obeying the Hitlerian orders.

At this juncture, the father is entangled in a moral debate. The son is correct in his own way and the daughter needs protection. Should ‘gratefulness’ take precedence over responsibility and compassion?

Image : legalarrow

Doesn’t this cute lady steal your heart ?

The other day, it was by chance that I happened to land up at an online pet lifestyle store and was I really amazed by the range of pet care products available there! Apart from specialized varieties of pet food and health care products there were designer garments, designer pet accessories including fashionable jewelry, and designer furniture!

This gentleman looks cool, doesn’t he ?

What caught me totally unawares were a few links leading to pet beauty parlors and pet spas. They are groomed there. Hair Styling and coloring, bleaching of teeth, pedicure, manicure are only some of the treatments given to your pet there. Some have what they call ‘creative grooming” where the coat is shaped into different patterns. It seems you can also get tattoos done on your dog behind its delicate ears!

Max at the pet parlor

I remember watching a show on Animal Planet about pet hotels and pet parlous, a few years ago. I thought it was something rare (excuse my naiveté) but now I see a lot of pets being sent for special treatments to parlors. I realize that pets leading civilized lifestyles, is not new or uncommon.

Lucky relaxes on his designer bed

We love our pets so much. We love them as our own kids and we give them our best. We give them the luxury and comfort that we humans enjoy. But a question keeps coming to my mind. We have tamed the animal and given it a civilized lifestyle. We have disciplined them to suit our civilized habits. But after all, an animal being an animal, would like to live like an animal or a human, an animal didn’t tell me that. Can you?

Excuse me, all pet lovers. This question is asked not to hurt your sentiments, but out of genuine interest!

Images : Sassypup
The Pet Boutique
Cornwall.ac.uk

bedzine

Hey world! If you think Hindus and Muslims are always at loggerheads regarding religion and God, you are mistaken. There was a saint Shirdi Sai baba(a nineteenth-twentieth century guru), whom both Hindus and some Indian Muslims pray. In the present age of religious disharmony, abhorrence and violence, I find solace in praying Shirdi Sai Baba. Without going into details about his biography which you’ll find in plenty on the internet, I just want to touch upon his message to the world. Hindu devotees consider him an incarnation of God and many of us pray him like any other God. He would live in a mosque and follow Hindu rituals. He would always say “ Sabka Malik Ek” meaning “God is one” and “Allah Malik” which Hindus and some Indian Muslims revere as golden words.

Our religiously enlightened have shown us the path of universal brotherhood, love and tolerance. Where did this narrow-mindedness come from? When will we fools understand?

Image: Wordpress

When I analyze the failed marriage of my cousin Deepa, I wonder if its her liberal brought up and education, or the conservative attitude of the Indian in-laws that is the actual culprit in breaking her marriage? We might want to take sides and point our fingers at one of the parties, but I think that the actual problem is with neither, but with the pace of development of different socio-cultural aspects our country. We have raised the status of women from the dumb, homely and uneducated to the highly-learned and sophisticated in leaps and bounds, but there in no significant progress in the in-law mentality. An Indian girl has become modern but the in-law mentality has hardly changed. The majority of them are conservative. Had there been comparable metamorphosis in both aspects, failed marriages would be rarely seen.

We have educated the girl, but we have failed to educate the in-laws. You send a girl to the best schools and colleges and give her international exposure. After that the in-laws expect her to be a mute lamb. I’m really surprised by some Indian men and their families who don’t think a woman deserves any marital rights! If you educate a girl she will naturally compare herself with her global counterparts and she will definitely want to be at par with them. She will also come to know about her rights and when you get her married she will definitely start assessing what she has got and what she hasn’t got. Anyways of what use will be big degrees to her, if she won’t be allowed to use them? You’ll be a very cruel parent if you give your daughter a very modern upbringing and then push her into a conservative Indian family. How will your daughter be happy when she belongs to the 21st century and the in-laws belong to the 19th century? Shouldn’t the in-law mentality be of the 21st century to accommodate the views of your daughter, or it should be vice versa.

Since the majority of in-laws want to enjoy their privileges they would want to cling on to their 19th century mindsets. In that case, if you want to see your daughter happy, marry her off as a child. Don’t let her grow because if she’ll see her in-laws penalizing her pappa for dowry, she’ll be pained. A child will be unaware of the hardships her parents have to face in getting her married. At least she’ll be at peace. Also she’ll not bother her in-laws for her rights as she’ll not be aware of them. The in-laws can bring a mute baby lamb and mold her the way they want to. The marriage will be peaceful.

Now, its upon us Indians to decide upon how we’d like to keep our daughters happy – by reforming ourselves to match the pace of development of our daughters, or to throttle the development of our daughters to meet our selfish requirements. Which way would you choose?

Image credit :tricitypsychology

My cousin Deepa is yet another victim of domestic violence by her husband and in-laws. On behalf of the tormented soul, I ask for society’s opinion on a vital decision that she has to take regarding her marital life.

Deepa is an urban, educated girl who got married to a gentleman who promised to give her a good life. After the initial honeymoon, instigated and encouraged by his family, the husband started harassing the girl for dowry. He would torture her emotionally too. He distanced himself from his wife and wanted to divorce her, with the support of his family.

Deepa could sense that though it appeared as though her husband was to blame for the way he was behaving with her, the root cause of her problems was not actually her husband, but her in-laws who skillfully worked in the background to create distances between her and her husband. She felt that without the fuelling of her in-laws her martial disaster would not have assumed such dangerous dimensions. So, rather than divorce her husband, she decided to rectify him by changing his deep-rooted faulty concepts that his conservative upbringing had bestowed upon him. But she is facing quite a few problems in doing so.

The first step that she took was to speak about the problem to her husband and in-laws, but she got a negative response from them. They simply would not understand her problem. Next, she knocked the doors of relatives and friends to help out in the situation and give her husband some good advice. None of them really involved themselves in the issue.Some of them suggested that if she choose to stay with her husband, she should accept his crimes against her. Others suggested that she take up this issue with a women’s organization.

As advised, Deepa went to a women’s organization. The organization told her that the best thing for her to do was to take divorce, as they could not really change a man’s mentality. They told her that she should file a police case against her husband and get him beaten. But this was not Deepa’s aim. She never really wanted to punish her husband, but to rectify him with the help of support. Though people say that her husband is the culprit, she feels that he would not have become so without the influence of his kin. Tell me, so many children of this world are being trained into becoming terrorists. Are the children to blame or their tutoring?

Eventually, Deepa goes to legal bodies. But its so surprising that there are well written laws for breaking a marriage but not for patching up a marriage. Lawyers tell Deepa, that legal intervention can only break a marriage but not patch it up. They were too keen to help her for taking divorce but not for patching up her marriage.

I ask, is there no single soul on this earth who can sternly tell a wrong doer that he is wrong and that he will be taken to task if he doesn’t behave in a fair manner? Millions of women are getting raped everyday, millions of women are being thrown out of their houses everyday and millions of daughters-in-law are committing suicide every hour.
Its rather disgusting to know that most of us are mere spectators in such situations. I know, these words sound cliché, but people have to reiterate this because despite being reminded of our social responsibilities over and over again, most of us have done very little to fight social evils.

Many women like Deepa are asked to take divorce. But is divorce really the answer in a case like Deepa’s? I have seen many Indian in-laws getting away with divorce. They ill- treat a girl, take divorce and start afresh with their wrong doings. They don’t learn a lesson. I think Deepa is right in not opting for divorce, but trying to rectify her husband. She needs to be empowered by society. But I am rather disgusted by social attitude. They are asking her to end the marriage with divorce. What do you think?

Image credit : Flickr

It be won’t be long before you’ll probably get to taste some really delicious snacks cooked by prisoners at popular city centers. Prisoners from Ahmedabad are all set to sell bhajiyas, dal wada, boiled corn and baked delicacies in popular areas of the city in mobile vans. If you are a bit jittery about coming in touch with some of the deadliest criminals, you can safely keep your concerns and fears aside, because there are always armed personnel to supervise them. In any case, only those prisoners with good conduct will get a chance to enjoy a rendezvous with the outside world.

This is a welcome reformatory step taken by jail authorities. Cooking is one of the most creative and enjoyable activities. It can really pep up the spirits of a depressed jail inmate who would otherwise spend time breeding negative feelings for himself and society. Anti-social behavior can be reformed by social acceptance. By eating one of his snacks and complimenting its taste, you can always show that society is not biased towards jailed people and is ready to accept them with love and respect if they show positive and philanthropic attitude and behavior.

Image credit : Worldofstock