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Divorce or Rectification – What should a distressed wife choose?
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E-mailMade Popular Jul 13 2009
India :
My cousin Deepa is yet another victim of domestic violence by her husband and in-laws. On behalf of the tormented soul, I ask for society’s opinion on a vital decision that she has to take regarding her marital life.
Deepa is an urban, educated girl who got married to a gentleman who promised to give her a good life. After the initial honeymoon, instigated and encouraged by his family, the husband started harassing the girl for dowry. He would torture her emotionally too. He distanced himself from his wife and wanted to divorce her, with the support of his family.
Deepa could sense that though it appeared as though her husband was to blame for the way he was behaving with her, the root cause of her problems was not actually her husband, but her in-laws who skillfully worked in the background to create distances between her and her husband. She felt that without the fuelling of her in-laws her martial disaster would not have assumed such dangerous dimensions. So, rather than divorce her husband, she decided to rectify him by changing his deep-rooted faulty concepts that his conservative upbringing had bestowed upon him. But she is facing quite a few problems in doing so.
The first step that she took was to speak about the problem to her husband and in-laws, but she got a negative response from them. They simply would not understand her problem. Next, she knocked the doors of relatives and friends to help out in the situation and give her husband some good advice. None of them really involved themselves in the issue.Some of them suggested that if she choose to stay with her husband, she should accept his crimes against her. Others suggested that she take up this issue with a women’s organization.
As advised, Deepa went to a women’s organization. The organization told her that the best thing for her to do was to take divorce, as they could not really change a man’s mentality. They told her that she should file a police case against her husband and get him beaten. But this was not Deepa’s aim. She never really wanted to punish her husband, but to rectify him with the help of support. Though people say that her husband is the culprit, she feels that he would not have become so without the influence of his kin. Tell me, so many children of this world are being trained into becoming terrorists. Are the children to blame or their tutoring?
Eventually, Deepa goes to legal bodies. But its so surprising that there are well written laws for breaking a marriage but not for patching up a marriage. Lawyers tell Deepa, that legal intervention can only break a marriage but not patch it up. They were too keen to help her for taking divorce but not for patching up her marriage.
I ask, is there no single soul on this earth who can sternly tell a wrong doer that he is wrong and that he will be taken to task if he doesn’t behave in a fair manner? Millions of women are getting raped everyday, millions of women are being thrown out of their houses everyday and millions of daughters-in-law are committing suicide every hour.
Its rather disgusting to know that most of us are mere spectators in such situations. I know, these words sound cliché, but people have to reiterate this because despite being reminded of our social responsibilities over and over again, most of us have done very little to fight social evils.
Many women like Deepa are asked to take divorce. But is divorce really the answer in a case like Deepa’s? I have seen many Indian in-laws getting away with divorce. They ill- treat a girl, take divorce and start afresh with their wrong doings. They don’t learn a lesson. I think Deepa is right in not opting for divorce, but trying to rectify her husband. She needs to be empowered by society. But I am rather disgusted by social attitude. They are asking her to end the marriage with divorce. What do you think?
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RSS 
diamonds are women’s best friend!!
first give her a tissue paper.
from where journalist cooked up this type of stories.
And memebers are women organizations are expert to break family into piesces so that each divorce earn money for them..women organization often ask the share of property which is extracted from the husband. They never asked to spend sometimes the couple in lonely place make some tour.
Lastly it is their personal matter why we should interfere?
first give her a tissue paper.
from where journalist cooked up this type of stories.
And memebers are women organizations are expert to break family into piesces so that each divorce earn money for them..women organization often ask the share of property which is extracted from the husband. They never asked to spend sometimes the couple in lonely place make some tour.
Lastly it is their personal matter why we should interfere?
(Local Perspectives)
Rudra,
This is a true story, not one cooked up by journalists! Unfortunately this is happening in our society.
I agree with whatever you say about women’s organizations, and that’s why I feel society should play an active role in curbing malpractices within their family and acquaintances, rather than let these issues go up to women’s forums or other such organizations that can only help in making matters worse.
Lastly, thanks for telling me how society should react when unfairness is meted out to someone. A girl gets raped on the road, that’s her personal matter, a girl is eve teased by a gang of goons on the streets that’s her personal matter; a woman is unfairly thrown out of her house, and that’s her personal matter...maybe that’s the way we should shut our eyes to all social evils.
This is a true story, not one cooked up by journalists! Unfortunately this is happening in our society.
I agree with whatever you say about women’s organizations, and that’s why I feel society should play an active role in curbing malpractices within their family and acquaintances, rather than let these issues go up to women’s forums or other such organizations that can only help in making matters worse.
Lastly, thanks for telling me how society should react when unfairness is meted out to someone. A girl gets raped on the road, that’s her personal matter, a girl is eve teased by a gang of goons on the streets that’s her personal matter; a woman is unfairly thrown out of her house, and that’s her personal matter...maybe that’s the way we should shut our eyes to all social evils.
(Local Perspectives)
Rudra, you seems a learned person. To me it looks like the same template.. same rape stories throwing out of the house and dowry harrassment stories which feminazis are selling for decades... it didnt touch the real harrassment any where isnt it?
And it keep saying husband is not at fault... I would say these girls are undergoing severe pentheraphobia needs to get treated as early as possible before they do any hate-crime.
The root cause of these kinda issues is ”ownership”. ”Ownership” of husband/son! Why should a man get punished for that? Wake up SOCIETY...
And it keep saying husband is not at fault... I would say these girls are undergoing severe pentheraphobia needs to get treated as early as possible before they do any hate-crime.
The root cause of these kinda issues is ”ownership”. ”Ownership” of husband/son! Why should a man get punished for that? Wake up SOCIETY...
(Global Perspectives)
If the husband dont have a spine... no point in living with him. Its better to get divorced.
I don’t understand what rectification you talking about? Do you want him to leave his parents and live with his wife and make her happy? that make no sense to me.
Both wife and parents are important for a man. I agree that, just because his wife don’t get along with his parents or vice versa he should not divorce. But its not the girl who should take initiate to rectify the problem. If he really need her, he is the one who should find a solution which is acceptable to both.
Its always better to get divorced than living in a unhappy marriage.
I don’t understand what rectification you talking about? Do you want him to leave his parents and live with his wife and make her happy? that make no sense to me.
Both wife and parents are important for a man. I agree that, just because his wife don’t get along with his parents or vice versa he should not divorce. But its not the girl who should take initiate to rectify the problem. If he really need her, he is the one who should find a solution which is acceptable to both.
Its always better to get divorced than living in a unhappy marriage.
(Global Perspectives)
Both wife and parents are important for a man.
This statement is purely based on old customs. don't forget that wife also has parents who she has to leave at the time of marriage. same can be done by the man as well. marriage is about a happy family and if few people can't live happily together they can live separate. a man can always choose to live with his wife at some distance from the parents so that they can be there at the time of need or may be visit them every other day.
(Local Perspectives)
Its a man's responsibility to maintain a bridge between the girl and his parents. His wife being a new member, is ought to feel uncomfortable. He has to make her feel the member of the family. If he thinks that the parents are of utmost importance and wife, needs to adjust all the time, he should not get married then, with this kind of attitude.
(Local Perspectives)
Maya,
By rectification, I did not mean seperating from the parents of the husband, but educating the husband on the importance of a wife and her rights in a marital relationship. When that is taught, the wife will automatically learn to adjust with his parents and the marital life will be happy.It is the duty of the husband to make his wife who is a newcomer feel secure, especially when he has promised to give her a good life and done everything to convince her into marrying him. In this, I second Neha and Ekta’s opinons very much.
By rectification, I did not mean seperating from the parents of the husband, but educating the husband on the importance of a wife and her rights in a marital relationship. When that is taught, the wife will automatically learn to adjust with his parents and the marital life will be happy.It is the duty of the husband to make his wife who is a newcomer feel secure, especially when he has promised to give her a good life and done everything to convince her into marrying him. In this, I second Neha and Ekta’s opinons very much.
(Local Perspectives)
Hi Ekta,
You are so very correct in whatever you have said. Even I feel that its better to stay a bit away and be peaceful rather than stay together and be in constant friction.
Also, I forgot to mention in my article, the in-laws happen to be Deepa’s sister-in-law and her husband in whose hands her husband is a puppet. She had sincerely taken care of his parents in-law when they were alive.
You are so very correct in whatever you have said. Even I feel that its better to stay a bit away and be peaceful rather than stay together and be in constant friction.
Also, I forgot to mention in my article, the in-laws happen to be Deepa’s sister-in-law and her husband in whose hands her husband is a puppet. She had sincerely taken care of his parents in-law when they were alive.
(Local Perspectives)
Hi Neha,
Well said Neha. Such husbands who are puppets in the hands of their people should not marry and make someone suffer.
Infact, I forgot to mention in my article, Deepa’s husband is a puppet, not in the hands of his parents(who expired long ago),but of his elder sister and her husband who have taken his parents’ place.Deepa’s husband expects his wife to be a puppet in the hands of his sister. Is that fair ?
Well said Neha. Such husbands who are puppets in the hands of their people should not marry and make someone suffer.
Infact, I forgot to mention in my article, Deepa’s husband is a puppet, not in the hands of his parents(who expired long ago),but of his elder sister and her husband who have taken his parents’ place.Deepa’s husband expects his wife to be a puppet in the hands of his sister. Is that fair ?
(Local Perspectives)
@ Ekta marriage itself is an old custom..why bother to get married.Live together and leave anytime without even saying bye. No question of Divorce or rectification!
(Global Perspectives)
Ekta’s rules can be discussed before marriage, to avoid the mess. Since Ekta knows its Old Custom, everybody expects it that way and after honeymoon, if wife comes with new customs it will indeed screw-up the marriage!!!
(Global Perspectives)
@lena
I will blame the mothers for not to teach their children proper lesson. My parents told me once when I am in class V not to misbehave with women, respect the old people and love younger ones, just once. I follow them. You are talking about those rapists, teasers..I think their mothers did not advice not to do those. If mothers are so irresponsible (not all children are not fortunate like me) how can their sons will be GOOD BOYS?
I will blame the mothers for not to teach their children proper lesson. My parents told me once when I am in class V not to misbehave with women, respect the old people and love younger ones, just once. I follow them. You are talking about those rapists, teasers..I think their mothers did not advice not to do those. If mothers are so irresponsible (not all children are not fortunate like me) how can their sons will be GOOD BOYS?
(Local Perspectives)
I will blame the mothers for not to teach their children proper lesson.
You are right! Mothers should be held responsible because fathers themselves don't know how to well behave with women, how could they teach that to the children??
(Local Perspectives)
@rudra,
Exactly, you got my point. Many Indian husbands misbehave with their wives due to their faulty upbringing. Many wives suffer because of this. So, if a helpless innocent victim wants to educate her husband about her rights as a wife, is it not society’s responsibility to give her moral support and take initiative in helping her out ? Or should we just keep away and ask her to take divorce which seems to be the easiest way out ?
Exactly, you got my point. Many Indian husbands misbehave with their wives due to their faulty upbringing. Many wives suffer because of this. So, if a helpless innocent victim wants to educate her husband about her rights as a wife, is it not society’s responsibility to give her moral support and take initiative in helping her out ? Or should we just keep away and ask her to take divorce which seems to be the easiest way out ?
(Local Perspectives)
Sweta,
Its a nice way in which you’ve told that the onus of imparting values to children lies not only on the mother but also the father!
Its a nice way in which you’ve told that the onus of imparting values to children lies not only on the mother but also the father!
(Local Perspectives)
Leena, i saw you repeating about ”Rights as wife” several time.. Can you educate me about those? I’m a learner..
(Global Perspectives)
@swata
so ur father doesn’t know hoe to behave with women?...so sad...
so ur father doesn’t know hoe to behave with women?...so sad...
(Local Perspectives)
don’t tell me all the indian wives are sita-savitri. It is insult for those holy women.
What is the minimum age for women to marry? make her comfortable ...sometimes you call yourself 21st century girls..sometimes you want your husband should make comfortable for you...sometime you want your father(sorry parants) should marry you with rich man who will understand you respect your decesion blah..blah...sometime you want you should choose your groom..your parents have no right to interfere...sometimes you want half of your husband property without any significant contribution..sometimes you want to acquire the jewellary,gift are given by husband side as ’dowry’, sometimes you are after your brother why parents give him 60% property...sometimes you made fun how awkward looking Sri Rammohan and Vidyasagar looked like and decorate your room with Sahrukh-Salaman Khan poster, sometimes you want your husband should follow you like your puppy....
did I miss something , gang of girls?
What is the minimum age for women to marry? make her comfortable ...sometimes you call yourself 21st century girls..sometimes you want your husband should make comfortable for you...sometime you want your father(sorry parants) should marry you with rich man who will understand you respect your decesion blah..blah...sometime you want you should choose your groom..your parents have no right to interfere...sometimes you want half of your husband property without any significant contribution..sometimes you want to acquire the jewellary,gift are given by husband side as ’dowry’, sometimes you are after your brother why parents give him 60% property...sometimes you made fun how awkward looking Sri Rammohan and Vidyasagar looked like and decorate your room with Sahrukh-Salaman Khan poster, sometimes you want your husband should follow you like your puppy....
did I miss something , gang of girls?
(Local Perspectives)
Bigotry is a mind imprisoned by ignorance, and if people like you pretend you are not a bigot, you are a hypocrite as well.
(Local Perspectives)
That description suits best to you Ekta.. Saying that you accepted what Rudra mentioned.
(Global Perspectives)
Millions of women are getting raped everyday, millions of women are being thrown out of their houses everyday and millions of daughters-in-law are committing suicide every hour.
By the above stats, all the women in the world are victims of either rape, domestic violence or suicide, unless of course billions of women are born every day.
Now coming to the story above, my opinion is that at the end of the day it all boils down to her husband. Deepa may try for a few more weeks to make her husband see light. If it doesn’t work, the marriage is not worth living for. It is like a love affair going bad. No matter however heartbroken you are, the one who dumped you or severed the relationship is never going to come back. Not having any children in this case makes matters worse for your cousin.
I can understand that this is not what she wanted, and she might be in love with her husband. But she should start treating him as a boyfriend who is behaving in a manner that she never expected. So is she ready to spend her life with him, her entire life? She has the best answer for this.
(Local Perspectives)
jayanta
Not all but majority of women face the harassment. Don't you think so?
Not all but majority of women face the harassment. Don't you think so?
(Local Perspectives)
my opinion is that at the end of the day it all boils down to her husband
Who else will she look upto? husband is the girl's only support in the house and the family which is totally new to her. she will expect him to understand her and not anybody else. you can't imagine what is it to leave the house where you were born and live at a place which do not belong to you, filled with strangers...
(Local Perspectives)
Hi Jayanta,
you are speaking a lot of sense. Ultimately, i think Deepa has to look at things the way you described. But i still feel that without the damaging interference of her in-laws and by educating her husband about the rights of a wife(which his family and social circle failed to impart) her marriage can improve.
BTW, ”millions” was just an expression. Please don’t take it as some statistics.
you are speaking a lot of sense. Ultimately, i think Deepa has to look at things the way you described. But i still feel that without the damaging interference of her in-laws and by educating her husband about the rights of a wife(which his family and social circle failed to impart) her marriage can improve.
BTW, ”millions” was just an expression. Please don’t take it as some statistics.
(Local Perspectives)
Suryasnata, I dont agree with you.. its not the majority, its 100% women in India are victims of domestic violence as per the definition of domestic violence in PWDVA. Hey this is not my opinion but former attorney general Soli sorabjee’s!!! I just borrowed it FYI.
(Global Perspectives)
Leena later on you can use ”hundreds” expression instead of ”millions”. Hey hey hey its just a suggestions.. dont slap me
(Global Perspectives)
The first question I have is why did he marry her in the first place? He obviously does not love her and it sounds like he doesn’t even like her. Did he just marry her to have someone to torture or he did just want money?
The second question is why would she even try to stay somewhere where she is not wanted or loved?
Maybe he is trying to get rid of her. Trying to force her to be the one to file for divorce.
The second question is why would she even try to stay somewhere where she is not wanted or loved?
Maybe he is trying to get rid of her. Trying to force her to be the one to file for divorce.
(Global Perspectives)
Hi Nuya,
Ans 1: I really don’t know!
Ans 2: She loves him selflessly. She knows that her husband is completely not responsible for whatever is happening between them. Certain things make her realize that his sister is simply using her brother for her selfish ends and her sweet tongue is preventing her husband from knowing the truth.
Yeah he is forcing divorce on her.
Ans 1: I really don’t know!
Ans 2: She loves him selflessly. She knows that her husband is completely not responsible for whatever is happening between them. Certain things make her realize that his sister is simply using her brother for her selfish ends and her sweet tongue is preventing her husband from knowing the truth.
Yeah he is forcing divorce on her.
(Local Perspectives)
@surusanto,
Can you see anyone who was not harassed in his/her entire life? foolish comment....
I was harassed by my ex-girlgried..harassed by municipal corporation for tax payment...harassed by bsnl for not connecting internet at my home..harassed by university for not having my marksheet in right time. You women are not going to sacrified by anything.
Can you see anyone who was not harassed in his/her entire life? foolish comment....
I was harassed by my ex-girlgried..harassed by municipal corporation for tax payment...harassed by bsnl for not connecting internet at my home..harassed by university for not having my marksheet in right time. You women are not going to sacrified by anything.
(Local Perspectives)
Leena
We heard the story of Deepa about her husband, their family etc. We should also hear the story from her husband on Deepa which would give a clear picture on both the sides. We feel pity of a of a young girl, by listening to her and how cruel or bad & how much she tortured her husband and his family, we would hear only from them.
As Neha and Maya pointed out, divorce will be the best bet compared living in a unhappy wedded life.
We heard the story of Deepa about her husband, their family etc. We should also hear the story from her husband on Deepa which would give a clear picture on both the sides. We feel pity of a of a young girl, by listening to her and how cruel or bad & how much she tortured her husband and his family, we would hear only from them.
As Neha and Maya pointed out, divorce will be the best bet compared living in a unhappy wedded life.
(Local Perspectives)
Rajagopalan sir, that sounds like a fair deal..
(Global Perspectives)
Leena it not the duty of the husband to teach the wife how to adjust in the family. She should get those basic lessons from home before getting married. If any girl who thinks her husband should act according to her wish all the time, better not get married.
@Ekta Who asked the wife to leave her parents after marriage, those who want to stay with parents can happily stay with them forever. There are many men who will happy to live with wife’s parents, they can marry such men.
In this case its the elder brother, why did his elder brother take care of the younger brother when his parents died? so the younger brother got an moral obligation to listen to what they say, not by being their puppet. She should have known before the marriage that he is weak and cannot stand for her or his own wish. She failed to understand him and made a wrong decision by marrying him. Better get divorceed!
@Ekta Who asked the wife to leave her parents after marriage, those who want to stay with parents can happily stay with them forever. There are many men who will happy to live with wife’s parents, they can marry such men.
In this case its the elder brother, why did his elder brother take care of the younger brother when his parents died? so the younger brother got an moral obligation to listen to what they say, not by being their puppet. She should have known before the marriage that he is weak and cannot stand for her or his own wish. She failed to understand him and made a wrong decision by marrying him. Better get divorceed!
(Global Perspectives)
You are focused on either black or white, which means either you want that girl should opt for divorce or keep suffering. Why don't you see that she doesn't want to break relationship with her husband. She wants that both of them should be left alone by her sister in law, which is quite fair. I don't think you would tolerate your husband's sister poking everytime in your life.
You are right, and similarly when a guy knows that he can't fulfill the promises that he makes to his wife, he better not get married.
The logic says that none of the brother-sisters remain together for life time. That lady is simply spoiling her brother's life. When you turn 60, that time none of your mother, father, brother, sister, son, daughter comes to nurse you. And that goes both for man and woman. Its only your spouse that can take care of you (if you have had a relationship of love in the past).
We have certain duties towards our spouse which should not be compromised with; in case somebody wants a happy married life. Otherwise there are millions of fighting couples in the world and people like you, Rudra, PISSON, etc are free to join them.
If any girl who thinks her husband should act according to her wish all the time, better not get married.
You are right, and similarly when a guy knows that he can't fulfill the promises that he makes to his wife, he better not get married.
The logic says that none of the brother-sisters remain together for life time. That lady is simply spoiling her brother's life. When you turn 60, that time none of your mother, father, brother, sister, son, daughter comes to nurse you. And that goes both for man and woman. Its only your spouse that can take care of you (if you have had a relationship of love in the past).
We have certain duties towards our spouse which should not be compromised with; in case somebody wants a happy married life. Otherwise there are millions of fighting couples in the world and people like you, Rudra, PISSON, etc are free to join them.
(Local Perspectives)
Ekta,
Thanks for understanding Deepa’s problem so well!
Your words, ”The logic says that none of the brother-sisters remain together for life time” are so very true.
I would like to add that in Indian culture every girl is sent to her in-laws place after marriage. She has to stay with her in-laws or husband. Problems do crop up when a married sister wishes to stay with her brother jointly. If she really wishes to stay with her brother she should give her sister-in-law freedom becoz she has come to her sister-in-law’s house to stay with her and not vice versa.
The problem in this case is, the sister-in-law wants the powers of a mother-in-law which Deepa is not allowing. Do you think she is doing the right thing?
Thanks for understanding Deepa’s problem so well!
Your words, ”The logic says that none of the brother-sisters remain together for life time” are so very true.
I would like to add that in Indian culture every girl is sent to her in-laws place after marriage. She has to stay with her in-laws or husband. Problems do crop up when a married sister wishes to stay with her brother jointly. If she really wishes to stay with her brother she should give her sister-in-law freedom becoz she has come to her sister-in-law’s house to stay with her and not vice versa.
The problem in this case is, the sister-in-law wants the powers of a mother-in-law which Deepa is not allowing. Do you think she is doing the right thing?
(Local Perspectives)
Maya, In arranged Indian marriages, it will be difficult to get a background check of the groom’s family especially when they are living in different states. So it may not be possible for Deepa to understand and then marry him.
Leena’s remarks on Deepa has loose ends too. She states that ”Deepa’s husband is a puppet in the hands of his sister. Many Indian husbands misbehave with their wives due to their faulty upbringing. Many wives suffer because of this.”
I am afraid Deepa’s brothers and father are also men who too I hope are living their life with ups and downs with their spouses. Their spouses have not complained anything about their husbands and live their life.
Even we feel pity, this should be a deserving one for Deepa...Coz she complains first, she does not deserve to be treated well and we need to hear from both the parties about each other and then decide.
Leena’s remarks on Deepa has loose ends too. She states that ”Deepa’s husband is a puppet in the hands of his sister. Many Indian husbands misbehave with their wives due to their faulty upbringing. Many wives suffer because of this.”
I am afraid Deepa’s brothers and father are also men who too I hope are living their life with ups and downs with their spouses. Their spouses have not complained anything about their husbands and live their life.
Even we feel pity, this should be a deserving one for Deepa...Coz she complains first, she does not deserve to be treated well and we need to hear from both the parties about each other and then decide.
(Local Perspectives)
Mr . Rajagopalan, here’s the story of Deepa. But you have to take my word for it because the other party (i.e. Deepa’s husband Rohan) is not a blogger at IB and he cannot communicate with you directly).
Rohan’s family consists of three members, Rohan, his father and elder sister. His mother died when he was in secondary school. Since then he had depended on his sister for all his needs. Rohan’s father told him that he had to take care of his sister, at any cost, in life. He was totally dependent on her for literally everything in life. After marriage, Deepa wanted to run her family independently. She took care of her father-in-law to the best of her capacity and was sincere to her husband. But Rohan continued to depend on his sister for everything even after marriage to the extent that she wanted to stay along with Deepa’s family and run her it. Rohan was also of the opinion that his sister could run his family the best. Taking advantage of the trust Rohan developed in her over the years, his sister could not stand the presence of another woman getting more importance than her in her brother’s life. Deepa was straight forward and would call a spade a spade, but her sister-in-law was very shrewd. Se would play family politics with a sweet tongue. She would tell her brother that since Deepa was young she could not manage her family and that’s why she needed to set up a joint family setup with her. The real reason was, she wanted to control her brother’s income. Deepa is an efficient homemaker, but she was not given a chance to run her family. She was treated like an optional element in the house by her husband because sister dear was always by his side to get him everything.
When Deepa asked Rohan why he was distancing himself from her, he told her that he married her because he liked her but since she was not accepting his sister he was not behaving properly with her. Deepa tried to reason out with Rohan that she always respected the borther sister bondage and will respect her sister-in-law, but she wanted freedom. She could not understand why a married sister, who had a very stable marital setup of her own was not letting her brother have an independent life ? More so, why is the borther not understanding enough ? Deepa herself is a sister-in-law and she believes in letting her brother and sister-in-law lead an independent life.
Deepa, though rare, had some good times with her husband and she is trying to get him out of the sister shell and see things in a new light. The couple really have no problem if left alone. Should she divorce her husband when she knows that she can live peacefully with him without his sister’s influence? Shouldn’t Rohan’s sister realize that he is married and she should relinquish her control over him ?
Rohan’s family consists of three members, Rohan, his father and elder sister. His mother died when he was in secondary school. Since then he had depended on his sister for all his needs. Rohan’s father told him that he had to take care of his sister, at any cost, in life. He was totally dependent on her for literally everything in life. After marriage, Deepa wanted to run her family independently. She took care of her father-in-law to the best of her capacity and was sincere to her husband. But Rohan continued to depend on his sister for everything even after marriage to the extent that she wanted to stay along with Deepa’s family and run her it. Rohan was also of the opinion that his sister could run his family the best. Taking advantage of the trust Rohan developed in her over the years, his sister could not stand the presence of another woman getting more importance than her in her brother’s life. Deepa was straight forward and would call a spade a spade, but her sister-in-law was very shrewd. Se would play family politics with a sweet tongue. She would tell her brother that since Deepa was young she could not manage her family and that’s why she needed to set up a joint family setup with her. The real reason was, she wanted to control her brother’s income. Deepa is an efficient homemaker, but she was not given a chance to run her family. She was treated like an optional element in the house by her husband because sister dear was always by his side to get him everything.
When Deepa asked Rohan why he was distancing himself from her, he told her that he married her because he liked her but since she was not accepting his sister he was not behaving properly with her. Deepa tried to reason out with Rohan that she always respected the borther sister bondage and will respect her sister-in-law, but she wanted freedom. She could not understand why a married sister, who had a very stable marital setup of her own was not letting her brother have an independent life ? More so, why is the borther not understanding enough ? Deepa herself is a sister-in-law and she believes in letting her brother and sister-in-law lead an independent life.
Deepa, though rare, had some good times with her husband and she is trying to get him out of the sister shell and see things in a new light. The couple really have no problem if left alone. Should she divorce her husband when she knows that she can live peacefully with him without his sister’s influence? Shouldn’t Rohan’s sister realize that he is married and she should relinquish her control over him ?
(Local Perspectives)
See, i guessed it right.. its just an ”ownership” fight. No harrassment or dowry involved!!!
(Global Perspectives)
@Prasoon, why do you think its an ”ownership” issue at all. Its rather foolish to think that any human being can own another in this world. Deepa just wants to be the given the status, responsibilities and importance that a wife deserves in a marriage.She wants the emotional proximity that she rightfully deserves in a marriage. After all, she was not the one who ran behind Rohan to marry her. It was vice versa.
Also, she initially she was not one to file a complaint against her husband. She was adjusting with all that she was facing and she wants to stay in the marriage. It was her husband who compelled her to go seeking for help here and there by forcing divorce upon her.
Also, she initially she was not one to file a complaint against her husband. She was adjusting with all that she was facing and she wants to stay in the marriage. It was her husband who compelled her to go seeking for help here and there by forcing divorce upon her.
(Local Perspectives)
@ Mr. Rajagopalan,
” Leena’s remarks on Deepa has loose ends too. She states that ”Deepa’s husband is a puppet in the hands of his sister. Many Indian husbands misbehave with their wives due to their faulty upbringing. Many wives suffer because of this.”
I am afraid Deepa’s brothers and father are also men who too I hope are living their life with ups and downs with their spouses. Their spouses have not complained anything about their husbands and live their life. ”
By many Indian husbands I did not mean all Indian husbands. Every couple has some issue or other between them.My father and brother are no exception. But they know how to maintain a balanced relationship with their spouses.
” Leena’s remarks on Deepa has loose ends too. She states that ”Deepa’s husband is a puppet in the hands of his sister. Many Indian husbands misbehave with their wives due to their faulty upbringing. Many wives suffer because of this.”
I am afraid Deepa’s brothers and father are also men who too I hope are living their life with ups and downs with their spouses. Their spouses have not complained anything about their husbands and live their life. ”
By many Indian husbands I did not mean all Indian husbands. Every couple has some issue or other between them.My father and brother are no exception. But they know how to maintain a balanced relationship with their spouses.
(Local Perspectives)
Hey Prassoon,
There was a dowry demand involved. The relationship between the sister-in-law and Deepa turned sour due to dowry demands. Before marriage, the in-laws did not demand anything from Deepa’s father. But after marriage, though Rohan and his father did not complain, his sister started complaining that this was not given and that was not given. Rather, she put ideas into Rohan’s mind, which was pure till then, that all his firiends got big dowry and he didn’t.
There was a dowry demand involved. The relationship between the sister-in-law and Deepa turned sour due to dowry demands. Before marriage, the in-laws did not demand anything from Deepa’s father. But after marriage, though Rohan and his father did not complain, his sister started complaining that this was not given and that was not given. Rather, she put ideas into Rohan’s mind, which was pure till then, that all his firiends got big dowry and he didn’t.
(Local Perspectives)
I dont know in what context and how she said that. From what you said, what i understand is, ”this wasnt given that wasnt given” is not a DEMAND. May be (i’m not sure); it might have used in a context to remind her that the guys family is decent and didnt demand this and that...
See here is a girl filed divorce for a bucket!!
http://www.hindustantimes.com/StoryPage/StoryPage.aspx?id=418503d3-3456-4272-a8c7-bd6fbda88158
Seems like the family is so poor and want to save in every possible way, but this girl took it as an abuse. No prudent person can think that the mother-in-law didnt give the buket and father-in-law set a ’shower-embargo’ because she didnt bring enough dowry!!
It is true that 100% of women in India are victims, if we follow the definition given in PWDVA so they have statutory right to sue every husbands!!!
See here is a girl filed divorce for a bucket!!
http://www.hindustantimes.com/StoryPage/StoryPage.aspx?id=418503d3-3456-4272-a8c7-bd6fbda88158
Seems like the family is so poor and want to save in every possible way, but this girl took it as an abuse. No prudent person can think that the mother-in-law didnt give the buket and father-in-law set a ’shower-embargo’ because she didnt bring enough dowry!!
It is true that 100% of women in India are victims, if we follow the definition given in PWDVA so they have statutory right to sue every husbands!!!
(Global Perspectives)
I think you did not read the last line of my comment. ”she put ideas into Rohan’s mind, which was pure till then, that all his friends got big dowry and he didn’t.” Moreover, she said this was not GIVEN and that was not GIVEN but she did not say this was not TAKEN and that was not TAKEN which a decent family, not interested in dowry might have said.
If the family is poor they should tell the girl before marriage. Not say that they are well off and show financial crisis later on.
In this case, Deepa’s father might not have minded giving the boy some money as the customary dowry.But they did not put any demand before marriage and after that they started complaining and ill treating the girl. Maybe they wanted to frist rope in the girl and then platy their tricks. Maybe they were unsure that if they put their demands before marriage they would loose the match.
If the family is poor they should tell the girl before marriage. Not say that they are well off and show financial crisis later on.
In this case, Deepa’s father might not have minded giving the boy some money as the customary dowry.But they did not put any demand before marriage and after that they started complaining and ill treating the girl. Maybe they wanted to frist rope in the girl and then platy their tricks. Maybe they were unsure that if they put their demands before marriage they would loose the match.
(Local Perspectives)
not GIVEN is a fact; which you admit.. so how is it offending her?
It is exactly the reverse scenario.. they didnt ask any dowry so deepa didnt give any dowry. Do you think that would have offended them?
It is exactly the reverse scenario.. they didnt ask any dowry so deepa didnt give any dowry. Do you think that would have offended them?
(Global Perspectives)
if sis-in-laws ever repeat that tell her the same.. you didnt ask any so i didnt bring any.. baat khatam... and see what she says.. show some diplomacy..
(Global Perspectives)
@Prassoon,
Referring to your lines ”they didnt ask any dowry so deepa didnt give any dowry”
There lies the twist. Ideally, Deepa’s in-laws should not have epxressed their discontentment in whatever Deepa gave them becoz they didn’t ask for anything before marriage. But their complaints and discontentment showed that they are one of those people who do not openly come out with their expectations. They want everything but behave as though they don’t want a thing and then take out their frustrations on the girl. They say that the girl’s family should have known that they had to satisfy the groom materialistically even though the groom appears to refuse. I am amazed by their hypocrisy !
Referring to your lines ”they didnt ask any dowry so deepa didnt give any dowry”
There lies the twist. Ideally, Deepa’s in-laws should not have epxressed their discontentment in whatever Deepa gave them becoz they didn’t ask for anything before marriage. But their complaints and discontentment showed that they are one of those people who do not openly come out with their expectations. They want everything but behave as though they don’t want a thing and then take out their frustrations on the girl. They say that the girl’s family should have known that they had to satisfy the groom materialistically even though the groom appears to refuse. I am amazed by their hypocrisy !
(Local Perspectives)
@leema
When you are outside home you can’t expect all things around you should be like home. You have to adjust. If you change your job you have to adjust ; if you have change your place you have to adjust.If new wife wants respect she has to act like that. Nobody can acquire respect in one day. May be she is crying foul...how do you know that the wife is innocent.May she has some drawback as well. May be her parents lured the groom side saying that they will give those they will give that...
When you are outside home you can’t expect all things around you should be like home. You have to adjust. If you change your job you have to adjust ; if you have change your place you have to adjust.If new wife wants respect she has to act like that. Nobody can acquire respect in one day. May be she is crying foul...how do you know that the wife is innocent.May she has some drawback as well. May be her parents lured the groom side saying that they will give those they will give that...
(Local Perspectives)
@ Radaru Bow Bow
Sir you need to change your Radar and learn some basic lessons on comprehension of English alphabet and the clear reproduction of it, especially when addressing someone by their names. It may not be of any importance to you but it just might offend some people.
You seem to be riding on the illusionary boat that you are being noticed and applauded for your exceptional talent at twisting peoples names, but the opposite is just true. You look a complete idiot!
People are engaged in serious discussion here, so please spare the emotions of this thread and take your buffoonary somewhere else.
Maybe I’ll soon write a post and give you a nice place to show your talent. But plz, no need to show your genius in such threads.
Hey wait, I think I should apologize. I mean, don’t get offended if I’m mistaken, but those black glasses?? DOES THAT MEAN YOU ARE BLIND? I just want to confirm, so don’t feel offended plz. Because your mugshot is also showing the same expression that a sightless person carries on his face. I sincerely apologize and take my words back if you are not blessed with the gift of eyesight.
But then too, the one who reads out these comments to you must take proper care while reading out the names of the participants.
Anyway, waiting anxiously to see how your ’facilitator’ interprets my name. :-)
Sir you need to change your Radar and learn some basic lessons on comprehension of English alphabet and the clear reproduction of it, especially when addressing someone by their names. It may not be of any importance to you but it just might offend some people.
You seem to be riding on the illusionary boat that you are being noticed and applauded for your exceptional talent at twisting peoples names, but the opposite is just true. You look a complete idiot!
People are engaged in serious discussion here, so please spare the emotions of this thread and take your buffoonary somewhere else.
Maybe I’ll soon write a post and give you a nice place to show your talent. But plz, no need to show your genius in such threads.
Hey wait, I think I should apologize. I mean, don’t get offended if I’m mistaken, but those black glasses?? DOES THAT MEAN YOU ARE BLIND? I just want to confirm, so don’t feel offended plz. Because your mugshot is also showing the same expression that a sightless person carries on his face. I sincerely apologize and take my words back if you are not blessed with the gift of eyesight.
But then too, the one who reads out these comments to you must take proper care while reading out the names of the participants.
Anyway, waiting anxiously to see how your ’facilitator’ interprets my name. :-)
(Local Perspectives)
@ Rudra
Referring to your lines ” When you are outside home you can’t expect all things around you should be like home. You have to adjust. ”...
You make me laugh! Isn’t a girl’s husband’s home ideally her own home? According to Indian culture, a girl’s husband’s home is her true home. This is where she is supposed to spend her whole life cheerfully like a free bird, not keep adjusting as though she were in prison.
Referring to your lines ”May be she is crying foul...how do you know that the wife is innocent.May she has some drawback as well. May be her parents lured the groom side saying that they will give those they will give that...”...
Let me tell you, I don’t have the time to write out false stories out here and ask for justice for a person who is faking. I am closely observing this marriage from the beginning to this day and I know what Deepa is going through.
Yes, you are correct in saying that Deepa has a drawback! Her only drawback was that she would reply them back for all the unfair treatment meted out to her. She was not one of those timid women to silently accept all the nonsense that she was subjected to. She was never aggressive in her assertions but her her in-laws framed her as impolite and cunning for having spoken the truth on their faces....this appears to be the reason they want to divorce her.
Referring to your lines ” When you are outside home you can’t expect all things around you should be like home. You have to adjust. ”...
You make me laugh! Isn’t a girl’s husband’s home ideally her own home? According to Indian culture, a girl’s husband’s home is her true home. This is where she is supposed to spend her whole life cheerfully like a free bird, not keep adjusting as though she were in prison.
Referring to your lines ”May be she is crying foul...how do you know that the wife is innocent.May she has some drawback as well. May be her parents lured the groom side saying that they will give those they will give that...”...
Let me tell you, I don’t have the time to write out false stories out here and ask for justice for a person who is faking. I am closely observing this marriage from the beginning to this day and I know what Deepa is going through.
Yes, you are correct in saying that Deepa has a drawback! Her only drawback was that she would reply them back for all the unfair treatment meted out to her. She was not one of those timid women to silently accept all the nonsense that she was subjected to. She was never aggressive in her assertions but her her in-laws framed her as impolite and cunning for having spoken the truth on their faces....this appears to be the reason they want to divorce her.
(Local Perspectives)
@Aneez
”Sir you need to change your Radar and learn some basic lessons on comprehension of English alphabet and the clear reproduction of it, especially when addressing someone by their names. It may not be of any importance to you but it just might offend some people.”
..It’s a really nice gesture on your part to make Rudra take note of his ”buffoonery”! I hope you will also show the same urgency in making others take note of their greater ”buffoonery” when Prassoon is addressed as ”Pisson” or when different persons are addressed as ”Rohand”.
Like to remind you that in one of the posts one of the participants in the said debate kept on addressing some of the other members as ”Rohan” even as we objected to her behaviour.
Why didn’t you take note of that ”great circus”?Why the deliberate nuisance on part of that member didn’t prick your conscience?
Anyway, you have done a right thing here.Let’s hope you are not ”selective” while reminding others about their flaws!
”Sir you need to change your Radar and learn some basic lessons on comprehension of English alphabet and the clear reproduction of it, especially when addressing someone by their names. It may not be of any importance to you but it just might offend some people.”
..It’s a really nice gesture on your part to make Rudra take note of his ”buffoonery”! I hope you will also show the same urgency in making others take note of their greater ”buffoonery” when Prassoon is addressed as ”Pisson” or when different persons are addressed as ”Rohand”.
Like to remind you that in one of the posts one of the participants in the said debate kept on addressing some of the other members as ”Rohan” even as we objected to her behaviour.
Why didn’t you take note of that ”great circus”?Why the deliberate nuisance on part of that member didn’t prick your conscience?
Anyway, you have done a right thing here.Let’s hope you are not ”selective” while reminding others about their flaws!
(Local Perspectives)
@ Leena
First of all, I would like to extend my support and sympathy to your cousin Deepa. However, the right thing to do in this situation is to be brave and let the mind do the thinking and give the heart some rest.
From what I gather from this story, Jayanta’s advice is the best remedy. Moreover, I would like to assert that it’s no use trying to pull out a balancing-act if the rope is not tied well on both the sides.
First of all, I would like to extend my support and sympathy to your cousin Deepa. However, the right thing to do in this situation is to be brave and let the mind do the thinking and give the heart some rest.
From what I gather from this story, Jayanta’s advice is the best remedy. Moreover, I would like to assert that it’s no use trying to pull out a balancing-act if the rope is not tied well on both the sides.
(Local Perspectives)
@ Aneez,
Thank you very much for empathizing with Deepa so much and I do agree that she needs to be very brave.She is trying her best to but being a sensitive person she is finding it hard to digest the fact
Thank you very much for empathizing with Deepa so much and I do agree that she needs to be very brave.She is trying her best to but being a sensitive person she is finding it hard to digest the fact
(Local Perspectives)
@leeena,
Even bird has some duty..make nest..lay eggs…bring food for kids…no one in the universe is free..everybody has responsibility
Grow up!!! Don’t get influenced by Indian movie..where heroines are like “free birds”
Lastly, you did not gave opportunity Deepa’s sister in law to put her views here. There must be something wrong that’s why sis-in-law opposing her, because nowadays wife has “BRAHMASTRA” called 498A which can land her to jail.
Look I am not your enemy if Deepa is innocent then I am sorry.
Even bird has some duty..make nest..lay eggs…bring food for kids…no one in the universe is free..everybody has responsibility
Grow up!!! Don’t get influenced by Indian movie..where heroines are like “free birds”
Lastly, you did not gave opportunity Deepa’s sister in law to put her views here. There must be something wrong that’s why sis-in-law opposing her, because nowadays wife has “BRAHMASTRA” called 498A which can land her to jail.
Look I am not your enemy if Deepa is innocent then I am sorry.
(Local Perspectives)
@ Rude Ra,
”Even bird has some duty..make nest..lay eggs…bring food for kids…”
That’s what freedom is all about !!! How much Deepa wanted to do all this ! She was confident of her skills as a homemaker, but her creativity was curbed, becoz her husband was not all interested in making progess in his own family. He was more interested in improving his sister’s family by suppliyng finances to her and not giving Deepa a rupee.
”Even bird has some duty..make nest..lay eggs…bring food for kids…”
That’s what freedom is all about !!! How much Deepa wanted to do all this ! She was confident of her skills as a homemaker, but her creativity was curbed, becoz her husband was not all interested in making progess in his own family. He was more interested in improving his sister’s family by suppliyng finances to her and not giving Deepa a rupee.
(Local Perspectives)
Also she could have used your BRAHMASTRA long time ago, especially when lawyers and women’s organizations were encouraging her to do so if she really wanted to. But she has not used this and she never will becoz , she loves her husband and does not want to punish him by putting him and his family behind bars. She only wants them to know where they are going wrong and correct themselves.
(Local Perspectives)
Here lies the real problem.. LOL
”He was more interested in improving his sister’s family by suppliyng finances to her and not giving Deepa a rupee.”
It seems Deepa even though highly educated doesnt work and support family. May be she doesnt even do any household chores and expect the sis-in-law (SIL) to do everything which provoked SIL and might have said abye baap ke ghar se dishwasher laya da kya ja ja apna barthan dho Since SIL is not present here i can guess whatever i want hahaha after all there wont be any smoke without fire!
BTW dont expect 498a is like BRAHMASTRA.. now a days its like a small match stick.. just burns for a while... It will only ruin ones own life and also invites equal amount of punishment if found frivolous. Especially in this case, there is no offense done by husband or in-laws. Supreme court held that silly family disputes will not be applicable for 498a.
”He was more interested in improving his sister’s family by suppliyng finances to her and not giving Deepa a rupee.”
It seems Deepa even though highly educated doesnt work and support family. May be she doesnt even do any household chores and expect the sis-in-law (SIL) to do everything which provoked SIL and might have said abye baap ke ghar se dishwasher laya da kya ja ja apna barthan dho Since SIL is not present here i can guess whatever i want hahaha after all there wont be any smoke without fire!
BTW dont expect 498a is like BRAHMASTRA.. now a days its like a small match stick.. just burns for a while... It will only ruin ones own life and also invites equal amount of punishment if found frivolous. Especially in this case, there is no offense done by husband or in-laws. Supreme court held that silly family disputes will not be applicable for 498a.
(Global Perspectives)
@Prassoon,
@Prassoon,
I request you to not concoct stories when you don’t know the reality. If you want to meet both parties to know the truth I can arrange for it. Are you ready? As the other party does not blog, I am not at fault if you are hearing the story from my side. BTW let me tell you that I have written this article for people’s opinion about a genuine case. If it were a fake case, I would have known the answer myself. I would not have wasted time asking other people.
Now coming to your comment, Deepa always wanted to work. But her husband and sister-in-law prevented her from doing so coz sis-in-law was not working.
Next if you would have read my definition of freedom in my reply to rudra in this comment box, you would not have said that Deepa did not work in the house.
Lastly, Deepa agrees with Supreme court that silly family disputes cannot be charged with 498A and neither are they huge reasons for a divorce. That’s the reason she is still trying to patch up. Her husband on the other hand, has made a mountain out of a mole hill, by saying that silly family disputes were reasons for a divorce. Let’s see what the supreme court says when he files divorce.
@Prassoon,
I request you to not concoct stories when you don’t know the reality. If you want to meet both parties to know the truth I can arrange for it. Are you ready? As the other party does not blog, I am not at fault if you are hearing the story from my side. BTW let me tell you that I have written this article for people’s opinion about a genuine case. If it were a fake case, I would have known the answer myself. I would not have wasted time asking other people.
Now coming to your comment, Deepa always wanted to work. But her husband and sister-in-law prevented her from doing so coz sis-in-law was not working.
Next if you would have read my definition of freedom in my reply to rudra in this comment box, you would not have said that Deepa did not work in the house.
Lastly, Deepa agrees with Supreme court that silly family disputes cannot be charged with 498A and neither are they huge reasons for a divorce. That’s the reason she is still trying to patch up. Her husband on the other hand, has made a mountain out of a mole hill, by saying that silly family disputes were reasons for a divorce. Let’s see what the supreme court says when he files divorce.
(Local Perspectives)
Deepa has constitutional right to livelihood. I would suggest her to make her own living.
It will still take some time for her husband to file divorce as the no-fault divorce is one of the recommendations for the next law reforms and he needs to wait until it get enacted to succeed.
I would suggest deepa to figure out the root cause rather guessing. Any external interference will only widen the gap.
It will still take some time for her husband to file divorce as the no-fault divorce is one of the recommendations for the next law reforms and he needs to wait until it get enacted to succeed.
I would suggest deepa to figure out the root cause rather guessing. Any external interference will only widen the gap.
(Global Perspectives)
@Leena
I think the real problem is that this lady named Deepa made a ”wrong choice”.Life is all about making right choices.
It’s really surprising that an ”urban” plus”educated” girl like Deepa decided to have a guy from a conservative background as her life partner!What prevented this educated and urban lady to know the guy quite well before tying the wedding knots ?
Anyway,now if she is not interested in leaving this guy and want to spend rest of her life with him then only way left is to move away from reach of her in-laws.She has to compel her husband in accepting the fact that they can never be happy amid the presence of her in-laws.Or,she could also learn the art of ignoring wrong people.She should ignore her in-laws and instead remain conscious of her own acts.
I think the real problem is that this lady named Deepa made a ”wrong choice”.Life is all about making right choices.
It’s really surprising that an ”urban” plus”educated” girl like Deepa decided to have a guy from a conservative background as her life partner!What prevented this educated and urban lady to know the guy quite well before tying the wedding knots ?
Anyway,now if she is not interested in leaving this guy and want to spend rest of her life with him then only way left is to move away from reach of her in-laws.She has to compel her husband in accepting the fact that they can never be happy amid the presence of her in-laws.Or,she could also learn the art of ignoring wrong people.She should ignore her in-laws and instead remain conscious of her own acts.
(Local Perspectives)
this could be disastrous. More likely husbands would think those who dont wanna be part of the community are not needed in the community
(Global Perspectives)
@Prassoon
I agree with your view but you should not forget that for Deepa there is no way out of this other than settling down somewhere else with her husband!!
I agree with your view but you should not forget that for Deepa there is no way out of this other than settling down somewhere else with her husband!!
(Local Perspectives)
If deepa has no way out its her problem, not husband’s or in-law’s... See in case of disputes whom will you stand with? Remember, blood is thicker than water.. Will you prefer a fairly ’new-comer’ who is keeping you at gun-point (498a/DV) or your own blood? Who wants to sit on top of a hypersensitive volcano and enjoy the breeze? The logic is simple we can get new wife (i dont think once tried will be keen on trying it again, staying single is far better) but a new sister hmm will cost some time and need to talk to dad LOL...
(Global Perspectives)
”The logic is simple we can get new wife”
That has been your stand all along, women are disposable so why even bother to try to get along with them.
That has been your stand all along, women are disposable so why even bother to try to get along with them.
(Global Perspectives)
@Prassoon,
I think you need more information to take a fair standing.
Firstly, Rohan was the one who lured Deepa into this marriage. Though it was an arranged marriage, he showed a lot of inclination to marry her. He presented himself as an urban, modern and educated gentleman with liberal views(This should answer Arivnd’s question on why Deepa , a modern girl, went for a conservative guy). He was very aware of her urban and modern upbringing and he promised her to give a good and independent life. Deepa was peaceful in her own life at Kolkata. What business does the gentleman from Hyderabad have to come and lure her that way and then spoil her life? If he knew that blood is thicker than water, why did he ever venture to make a bonding with water?
Rohan told Deepa that he was an MBA Marketing (gold medalist) and he would give her a financially stable life as he was well to do and was earning well. But right from a month after marriage he started complaining of business losses and said that he was incapable of paying the house rent also. Deepa who was from a financially stable background was agonized and shocked. But she adjusted. She did not complain. Because she had bad relationship with SIL, he gave Deepa painful sex. She adjusted.
The financial crisis appeared to remain forever, even after the guy started working for an MNC. Can you imagine, he would proudly tell everybody outside that he earned 70,000 RS a month, but when it came to Deepa, he always said that he was bankrupt. SIL on the other hand, who was married to a government employee with a modest salary was getting richer and richer by the day. I don’t want to comment further on this.
Let me tell you a bit more. This SIL, who has her in-laws in Bangalore left them and came to stay with her brother. She convinced her husband with the fact that her brother was available to serve them like a servant and supply money to them. Unfortunately, her sweet tongue is preventing Rohan from seeing the truth. Why can’t she understand that when she is leading an independent life away from her in-laws, Deepa also might want the same?
Apart from SIL issue, they were a happy couple as Deepa could see that there were some minor adjustments to be made which she was not complaining of and was ready to adjust.Also her husband says that the sister issue was the only point of dispute. So can this marriage be not bettered coz the root is not within the couple but outside ? As far the husband is concerned Deepa has served him with her heart and soul. Should he not acknowledge that ? He wants to send her away not becoz she has not satisfied him, but coz she has not satisfied his sister. How fair is that?
Well, as for Deepa, I can see that she loves her husband very much and she is optimistic about him realizing the truth someday. She does not want to punish her husband by handing him over to law because she knows that that will ruin him. That’s why she wants our help.
As far as relationships are concerned, let me tell you, that according to Hinduism, a husband and wife relationship is the most intimate, important and long lasting( they say for 7 births). Does any other relationship qualify for this status in our culture Also, if I am not mistaken, according to our culture the daughter of a house is sent to her sasural( otherwise we wouldn’t be having the age old custom of vidai(farewell) to a married daughter/sister), not kept at home and invite trouble on account of that. Despite this, Deepa is not denying a brother –sister bondage, neither is she is asking them to separate. She is just asking for some freedom, which has been distorted as an unfair demand tantamount to a reason for divorce.
Lastly I ask is a SIL’s interference mandatory to run your family?
I think you need more information to take a fair standing.
Firstly, Rohan was the one who lured Deepa into this marriage. Though it was an arranged marriage, he showed a lot of inclination to marry her. He presented himself as an urban, modern and educated gentleman with liberal views(This should answer Arivnd’s question on why Deepa , a modern girl, went for a conservative guy). He was very aware of her urban and modern upbringing and he promised her to give a good and independent life. Deepa was peaceful in her own life at Kolkata. What business does the gentleman from Hyderabad have to come and lure her that way and then spoil her life? If he knew that blood is thicker than water, why did he ever venture to make a bonding with water?
Rohan told Deepa that he was an MBA Marketing (gold medalist) and he would give her a financially stable life as he was well to do and was earning well. But right from a month after marriage he started complaining of business losses and said that he was incapable of paying the house rent also. Deepa who was from a financially stable background was agonized and shocked. But she adjusted. She did not complain. Because she had bad relationship with SIL, he gave Deepa painful sex. She adjusted.
The financial crisis appeared to remain forever, even after the guy started working for an MNC. Can you imagine, he would proudly tell everybody outside that he earned 70,000 RS a month, but when it came to Deepa, he always said that he was bankrupt. SIL on the other hand, who was married to a government employee with a modest salary was getting richer and richer by the day. I don’t want to comment further on this.
Let me tell you a bit more. This SIL, who has her in-laws in Bangalore left them and came to stay with her brother. She convinced her husband with the fact that her brother was available to serve them like a servant and supply money to them. Unfortunately, her sweet tongue is preventing Rohan from seeing the truth. Why can’t she understand that when she is leading an independent life away from her in-laws, Deepa also might want the same?
Apart from SIL issue, they were a happy couple as Deepa could see that there were some minor adjustments to be made which she was not complaining of and was ready to adjust.Also her husband says that the sister issue was the only point of dispute. So can this marriage be not bettered coz the root is not within the couple but outside ? As far the husband is concerned Deepa has served him with her heart and soul. Should he not acknowledge that ? He wants to send her away not becoz she has not satisfied him, but coz she has not satisfied his sister. How fair is that?
Well, as for Deepa, I can see that she loves her husband very much and she is optimistic about him realizing the truth someday. She does not want to punish her husband by handing him over to law because she knows that that will ruin him. That’s why she wants our help.
As far as relationships are concerned, let me tell you, that according to Hinduism, a husband and wife relationship is the most intimate, important and long lasting( they say for 7 births). Does any other relationship qualify for this status in our culture Also, if I am not mistaken, according to our culture the daughter of a house is sent to her sasural( otherwise we wouldn’t be having the age old custom of vidai(farewell) to a married daughter/sister), not kept at home and invite trouble on account of that. Despite this, Deepa is not denying a brother –sister bondage, neither is she is asking them to separate. She is just asking for some freedom, which has been distorted as an unfair demand tantamount to a reason for divorce.
Lastly I ask is a SIL’s interference mandatory to run your family?
(Local Perspectives)
LOL Nuya... what i meant is ’marriage’ is a legal relationship but ’sister’ is a biological relationship which is not replaceable. Brother-sister bond has more credibility in this case... you took only one part LOL read it together...
(Global Perspectives)
Here Deepa failed to build up trust and gain love of Rohan for whatever reason it is. And Rohan is the sole authority to decide whether he needs sister or wife. Since he choose sister I dont think there is any point in clinging on to him. Its all matter of love and trust which you cant get by force or with judicial help. To me it seems Deepa should find her freedom elsewhere. If she cant get rid of it amicably both Rohan and Deepa can have a happy life in the courts for the next ”7 births”.
(Global Perspectives)
Tell you what leena, men are already overloaded with too much responsibilities, deadlines and targets at work along with professional politics. They have enough and more tension to battle with. They expect home to be a place to relax and to breath peacefully. Women should understand that they are not marrying an ATM machine or a walking dildo. Obviously if home has become a battle field then are definitly gonna follow LIFO!!!
(Global Perspectives)
@ Arvind,
Ignoring her in-laws is a good suggestion, but when they are so proactive in damaging her relationship with her husband by continuously giving distorted or false feedbacks about her, it becomes rather difficult.
Ignoring her in-laws is a good suggestion, but when they are so proactive in damaging her relationship with her husband by continuously giving distorted or false feedbacks about her, it becomes rather difficult.
(Local Perspectives)
@ Leena,
According to me Deepa has to take her husband into confidence and convince him to move to some other place, if they want a peaceful life. Tell her to use all the methods, thru talk, love and directly communicate to the sister in law as well that she doesn't want her interference in their lives. Tell him that she has her family as priority and brother is the secondary thing for a woman after marriage. Currently she might be good to her brother for the personal motives, but after say 20 years, when he'll need somebody, he'll find himself alone. All alone.
According to me Deepa has to take her husband into confidence and convince him to move to some other place, if they want a peaceful life. Tell her to use all the methods, thru talk, love and directly communicate to the sister in law as well that she doesn't want her interference in their lives. Tell him that she has her family as priority and brother is the secondary thing for a woman after marriage. Currently she might be good to her brother for the personal motives, but after say 20 years, when he'll need somebody, he'll find himself alone. All alone.
(Local Perspectives)
I have been reading this conversation since 3 days and now can’t resist to jump in...some men never change and we have few examples on this page as well.
According to them, they can remarry any time they feel like. If they were mature enough to handle marriage, divorce would not have happened.
In deepa’s case, girls wants to keep the relationship but the guy wants divorce.This is ridiculous. He should have before hand told her wife that after marriage she’ll have to live as per his sister’s wish, so tat she could rethink.
Imposing restrictions after marriage is not justified.
Marriage is a life long relation, so when we get married we should realize that we cannot ignore our duties towards our spouse. Relationships fall apart because people start taking their loved ones for granted, which is wrong.
Spouse is the new member in your pre-existing family...he/she needs his/her own space. And arguments occur when people enter other’s personal space.
Deepa has to be bold and try to live seperate with her husband. If he doesn’t agree, leave him but do not agree to get divorced. Let him stay with his sister only, without the permission to re marry.
And believe me, the day he’ll fall terribly sick (may be today or in old age), sister will net even look at him, as he’ll be completely useless for her that time.
Marriage is the MOST important relationship of one’s life. Learn to cherish it, rather than not leaving a chance to point out each others’ flaws.
According to them, they can remarry any time they feel like. If they were mature enough to handle marriage, divorce would not have happened.
In deepa’s case, girls wants to keep the relationship but the guy wants divorce.This is ridiculous. He should have before hand told her wife that after marriage she’ll have to live as per his sister’s wish, so tat she could rethink.
Imposing restrictions after marriage is not justified.
Marriage is a life long relation, so when we get married we should realize that we cannot ignore our duties towards our spouse. Relationships fall apart because people start taking their loved ones for granted, which is wrong.
Spouse is the new member in your pre-existing family...he/she needs his/her own space. And arguments occur when people enter other’s personal space.
Deepa has to be bold and try to live seperate with her husband. If he doesn’t agree, leave him but do not agree to get divorced. Let him stay with his sister only, without the permission to re marry.
And believe me, the day he’ll fall terribly sick (may be today or in old age), sister will net even look at him, as he’ll be completely useless for her that time.
Marriage is the MOST important relationship of one’s life. Learn to cherish it, rather than not leaving a chance to point out each others’ flaws.
(Local Perspectives)
those who dont wanna be part of the community are not needed in the community
do hell with you and your rotten community.
and yes, girls like deepa, definitely makes wrong choices to agree to get married to people like you and her husband.
blood is thicker than water..The logic is simple we can get new wife
When you have such a mentality (which i had no doubt about from the day one), then why do you cry when females use their judicial weapon against people like you to extract your money. LOL!! (Loha lohe ko kaat-ta hai)...isn't it?
I have seen many genuine couples who give priority to their spouse and are happy. Its only on this site that all women haters have clubbed together and they never talk of ow to make a good bond, but know thousands of ways to break a relation...shame on such people.
My advice to you all is, don't get married or else you'll definitely give your children an atmosphere to turn into anti-social elements (the way you people are)
(Local Perspectives)
”And believe me, the day he’ll fall terribly sick (may be today or in old age), sister will net even look at him, as he’ll be completely useless for her that time. ”
wow wow, see the real female attitude coming out... whats the guarantee that wife will be there? oh may be to repair and USE him back again.
wow wow, see the real female attitude coming out... whats the guarantee that wife will be there? oh may be to repair and USE him back again.
(Global Perspectives)
oops I should have used, Deepa can get a new ATM machine sorry husband but husband cant get a new sister :)
BTW what is it to do with loha and judicial weapon? Extortion is old story, now a days no one is giving away money.. those wives are running behind husbands wallet like stray dogs running behind meat. (allah ke naam pe dey dey, bhagvaan ke naam pe dey dey, alimony dey dey maintenance dey dey LOL)
BTW what is it to do with loha and judicial weapon? Extortion is old story, now a days no one is giving away money.. those wives are running behind husbands wallet like stray dogs running behind meat. (allah ke naam pe dey dey, bhagvaan ke naam pe dey dey, alimony dey dey maintenance dey dey LOL)
(Global Perspectives)
Sanwali: ”Marriage is a life long relation” and in order to get into that women stoop to any level and do all the pranks.. Some even hide the fact that they are divorced!!!
(Global Perspectives)
women stoop to any level and do all the pranks..
No body is perfect in this world, neither men, nor women. Learn to look at the qualities rather than the faults...
i'll again say, don't get married or else you'll definitely give your children an atmosphere to turn into anti-social elements (the way you people are)
you people stay with your blood and never make relation with water...at least few girls will be saved from monsters like you.
whats the guarantee that wife will be there?
She will be there if they both have a relation of love and mutual respect.
(Local Perspectives)
”No body is perfect in this world”
By saying this you are admiting the fact that women widely do all kinds of pranks to get into the thickest wallet. Once done then they are in the Holy relationship which is to last for 7 births. Then she is SACRIFICING all that she have for the sake of this HOLY RELATIONSHIP!!! Men SHOULD find qualities thats present in her not the one he WAS looking for.
Holy Crap!
By saying this you are admiting the fact that women widely do all kinds of pranks to get into the thickest wallet. Once done then they are in the Holy relationship which is to last for 7 births. Then she is SACRIFICING all that she have for the sake of this HOLY RELATIONSHIP!!! Men SHOULD find qualities thats present in her not the one he WAS looking for.
Holy Crap!
(Global Perspectives)
if one is doing prank how can there be mutual respect?
(Global Perspectives)
Hi Sanwali,
Thanks for jumping in and coming up with such a good solution. But I think a marriage will suffer a natural expiry after 7 years of separation or something(I’m not sure). So will this actually work in such a situation?
Thanks for jumping in and coming up with such a good solution. But I think a marriage will suffer a natural expiry after 7 years of separation or something(I’m not sure). So will this actually work in such a situation?
(Local Perspectives)
@leena
“Firstly, Rohan was the one who lured Deepa into this marriage.”
So do you think men lure women for marry. Are you married? Do your husband lure you for marriage? Lure is a bad thing. Lure leads to destruction..as you see in case of Deepa. Deepa took wrong decision she agreed for marriage after knowing his salary.
What rubbish!!! “he gave Deepa painful sex. She adjusted.”…so as per you wife does not enjoy sex with his legal man? Grow up!! It is fact that women also enjoys sex.
“Firstly, Rohan was the one who lured Deepa into this marriage.”
So do you think men lure women for marry. Are you married? Do your husband lure you for marriage? Lure is a bad thing. Lure leads to destruction..as you see in case of Deepa. Deepa took wrong decision she agreed for marriage after knowing his salary.
What rubbish!!! “he gave Deepa painful sex. She adjusted.”…so as per you wife does not enjoy sex with his legal man? Grow up!! It is fact that women also enjoys sex.
(Local Perspectives)
What rubbish!!! “he gave Deepa painful sex. She adjusted.”…so as per you wife does not enjoy sex with his legal man? Grow up!! It is fact that women also enjoys sex.
You grow up! For women, sex is about love and intimacy, not revenge. That statement shows that you know nothing about women.
You grow up! For women, sex is about love and intimacy, not revenge. That statement shows that you know nothing about women.
(Global Perspectives)
The love and intimacy statistics is given here LOL
India in SEX revolution
———————–
http://prassoon.instablogs.com/entry/india-in-sex-revolution/
India in SEX revolution
———————–
http://prassoon.instablogs.com/entry/india-in-sex-revolution/
(Global Perspectives)
Pisson, you don’t know anything about women either so just keep laughing like a jack-ass.
(Global Perspectives)
@rudra,
Men generally don’t lure women. But I used the word for this gentleman becoz he told her all sugar-coated words and made promises before marriage which he did not live up to.
Sex is a give and take process. If a person only takes( and that too callously)coz she was not getting along well with sister it can turn out to be painful for the giver.
Men generally don’t lure women. But I used the word for this gentleman becoz he told her all sugar-coated words and made promises before marriage which he did not live up to.
Sex is a give and take process. If a person only takes( and that too callously)coz she was not getting along well with sister it can turn out to be painful for the giver.
(Local Perspectives)
@rudra,
Men generally don’t lure women. But I used the word for this gentleman becoz he told her all sugar-coated words and made promises before marriage which he did not live up to.
Sex is a give and take process. If a person only takes( and that too callously coz she was not getting along well with sister) it can turn out to be painful for the person who only gives.
Men generally don’t lure women. But I used the word for this gentleman becoz he told her all sugar-coated words and made promises before marriage which he did not live up to.
Sex is a give and take process. If a person only takes( and that too callously coz she was not getting along well with sister) it can turn out to be painful for the person who only gives.
(Local Perspectives)
@ Prassoon,
Shame on you for distorting facts and concocting stories once more (I,m sorry if I’m being impolite as you are my guest, but you simply don’t seem to understand Deepa’s genuine suffering)
When she is having genuine financial problems, you say that she is expecting her husband to be a walking ATM. May I ask, when Rohan did not want to support her financially and maybe wanted to live like a parasite on her, why did he stop her from working ? Also he could have married a working girl, why did he marry Deepa promising to give her financial support? How can some men be so cruel and shameless?
Also, what is a peaceful house according to you? Making his sister dominate his wife in affairs that don’t concern the former at all and gagging Deepa shut for crying against the unfairness meted out to her? I think men who don’t have any work, and are worthless will spend a lot of time in making sure that a newcomer is victimized by their own blood. Disgusting sadists!
Its men like Rohan who don’t acknowledge genuine love, disrespect a person they bring into their lives by making false promises to them, and distort facts to get rid of them( probably for a new venture), who stoop down to any extent to materialize their selfish desires.
And yeah, if possible, Deeepa will spend 7 births in court to make her husband realize the truth. Its becoz till this day women have either committed suicide or given divorce for all the unfairness meted out to them. In both cases the concerned men get away with their crimes. Deepa like a brave woman is staying put in the battlefield. Like a coward she does not want to run away by taking divorce, and like a looser she does not want to succumb to the opponent by silently suffering all injustice. She is fighting for justice and she will win someday.
Tell you what Prassoon, follow Ekta’s advice and don’t ever marry becoz you don’t seem to have any respect for women !
Shame on you for distorting facts and concocting stories once more (I,m sorry if I’m being impolite as you are my guest, but you simply don’t seem to understand Deepa’s genuine suffering)
When she is having genuine financial problems, you say that she is expecting her husband to be a walking ATM. May I ask, when Rohan did not want to support her financially and maybe wanted to live like a parasite on her, why did he stop her from working ? Also he could have married a working girl, why did he marry Deepa promising to give her financial support? How can some men be so cruel and shameless?
Also, what is a peaceful house according to you? Making his sister dominate his wife in affairs that don’t concern the former at all and gagging Deepa shut for crying against the unfairness meted out to her? I think men who don’t have any work, and are worthless will spend a lot of time in making sure that a newcomer is victimized by their own blood. Disgusting sadists!
Its men like Rohan who don’t acknowledge genuine love, disrespect a person they bring into their lives by making false promises to them, and distort facts to get rid of them( probably for a new venture), who stoop down to any extent to materialize their selfish desires.
And yeah, if possible, Deeepa will spend 7 births in court to make her husband realize the truth. Its becoz till this day women have either committed suicide or given divorce for all the unfairness meted out to them. In both cases the concerned men get away with their crimes. Deepa like a brave woman is staying put in the battlefield. Like a coward she does not want to run away by taking divorce, and like a looser she does not want to succumb to the opponent by silently suffering all injustice. She is fighting for justice and she will win someday.
Tell you what Prassoon, follow Ekta’s advice and don’t ever marry becoz you don’t seem to have any respect for women !
(Local Perspectives)
I was just trying to give you an idea what Rohan MIGHT have been thinking. Truth is always bitter, cruel and shameless.
When you get married and go to your husbands house, dont think that you bought a house or you got elected as the President of that house. Understand that you are going to a house, a community which is running perfectly fine in whatever way it is with its own ”law and order”. Yes, indeed you gotta play a bit of politics if you wanna change those.
When you get married and go to your husbands house, dont think that you bought a house or you got elected as the President of that house. Understand that you are going to a house, a community which is running perfectly fine in whatever way it is with its own ”law and order”. Yes, indeed you gotta play a bit of politics if you wanna change those.
(Global Perspectives)
Leena is correct. She is trying to express Deepa’s feelings and getting a remedy to resolve the issues. I think as humans we need to be supportive of this and being rational and not state words which hurt anyone’s feelings. We all notice Leena is trying to rectify the marriage and enable Deepa live happily with her spouse. Had it been the divorce, Deepa could have done this long time ago which was a quick resolution.
If this Deepa be any one of our sisters, do we be able to keep quiet and will we not fight for her rights. I think we should stay polite and offer any suggestions that can fix the current hardships Deepa is undergoing.
If this Deepa be any one of our sisters, do we be able to keep quiet and will we not fight for her rights. I think we should stay polite and offer any suggestions that can fix the current hardships Deepa is undergoing.
(Local Perspectives)
Rajagopalan Sir,
I am grateful to your for understanding the feelings of a girl undergoing gross injustice and taking the initiative to support her.
And talking about politeness, I didn’t mean to be impolite to anyone. I was simply enraged by certain distortions that were being introduced. I am sorry if I presented myself that way to any of my guests.
Going further what enrages me the most is, if you can see this is a simple family issue that a man can easily resolve in a balanced manner, but it is blown out of proportions by him.
I am grateful to your for understanding the feelings of a girl undergoing gross injustice and taking the initiative to support her.
And talking about politeness, I didn’t mean to be impolite to anyone. I was simply enraged by certain distortions that were being introduced. I am sorry if I presented myself that way to any of my guests.
Going further what enrages me the most is, if you can see this is a simple family issue that a man can easily resolve in a balanced manner, but it is blown out of proportions by him.
(Local Perspectives)
You are right Rajagopalan Sir, Leena is trying to rectify the marriage. Where it failed is exactly at that same point, i mean trying to FIX her own marriage. But what Rohan is trying, is to FIX his FAMILY which includes blood and water. I hope you know what i mean. These girls over here will never understand what went wrong. Unless they understand that, they are not gonna fix it for sure.
I know you understand the problem well!
I know you understand the problem well!
(Global Perspectives)
Blood and water !!! Looks like you are not well informed. Rohan is desperately trying to filter out the water and keep the blood. When he knew that blood was all that that mattered to him, why did he include water in his family? So it is Rohan who is actually trying to make, not HIS family, but HIS OWN family that excludes his wife.
If Deepa would have wanted to set her own marriage right, she would have asked her husband to cut off all relationships with his sister. But, she is not asking for that. She respects the brother sister bondage but at the same time wants her rights as a wife. She wants everybody in the family to clearly understand their personal spaces and not trespass each other’s territories. She believes in a live and let live policy. Has she committed a crime by asking for such a policy?
If Deepa would have wanted to set her own marriage right, she would have asked her husband to cut off all relationships with his sister. But, she is not asking for that. She respects the brother sister bondage but at the same time wants her rights as a wife. She wants everybody in the family to clearly understand their personal spaces and not trespass each other’s territories. She believes in a live and let live policy. Has she committed a crime by asking for such a policy?
(Local Perspectives)
territories!!! Its like LTTE asking for a separate territory in srilanka. And Srilanka gave the right reply, ”if you want to live in Srilanka, live like a srilankan”
So the answer is 2008 Olympics ”One world One Dream”
What i can see is Deepa went into a very close knitted family and trying to build her own territory and personal space. From each others point of view its a crime. A clear cultural disparity in other words incompatibility. Both expects different things from life. Either one has to change their attitude, but we all know that no one can change anyone but themselves.
So the answer is 2008 Olympics ”One world One Dream”
What i can see is Deepa went into a very close knitted family and trying to build her own territory and personal space. From each others point of view its a crime. A clear cultural disparity in other words incompatibility. Both expects different things from life. Either one has to change their attitude, but we all know that no one can change anyone but themselves.
(Global Perspectives)
In continuation with my last comment...
If Rohan would have tried to accomodate both blood and water in his family, he would have taken a balanced step called. He would have arranged a meeting with both parties and resolved the issue amicably. Not ask one person to go out of his life and not listen to her point of view.
Truly an MBA lacking people management skills, which is one of the basic things taught in such a program.
If Rohan would have tried to accomodate both blood and water in his family, he would have taken a balanced step called. He would have arranged a meeting with both parties and resolved the issue amicably. Not ask one person to go out of his life and not listen to her point of view.
Truly an MBA lacking people management skills, which is one of the basic things taught in such a program.
(Local Perspectives)
In continuation with my last comment...
If Rohan would have tried to accommodate both blood and water in his family, he would have taken a balanced step. He would have arranged a meeting with both parties and resolved the issue amicably. Not ask one person to go out of his life and not listen to her point of view.
Truly an MBA lacking people management skills, which is one of the basic things taught in such a program! I am amazed !
If Rohan would have tried to accommodate both blood and water in his family, he would have taken a balanced step. He would have arranged a meeting with both parties and resolved the issue amicably. Not ask one person to go out of his life and not listen to her point of view.
Truly an MBA lacking people management skills, which is one of the basic things taught in such a program! I am amazed !
(Local Perspectives)
100% of family problems can be solved if everyone can be brought together to the table. But in 100% of those cases that never happen, you know why? because its the ego which leads everyone.
Thats the reason why i said earlier if what she wants from life is freedom, personal space, separate territory then find it elsewhere (by no means i’m demeaning anyone, everyone has the right to choose what they want) otherwise change herself (Maybe its too late now). If she believes its GROOOOOOOOOSSSS Injustice and Domestic VIOLENCE then dont stay there.
The root of these kinda issues lie in the system itself, we marry someone and try to make him/her the RIGHT person; instead of marrying the RIGHT person. Earlier generation could easily manage that because most of them think more or less the same way. There were no FEMINISM it was all HUMANISM. If you are not familiar with Feminism, you can read about a bit here http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-225922
Thats the reason why i said earlier if what she wants from life is freedom, personal space, separate territory then find it elsewhere (by no means i’m demeaning anyone, everyone has the right to choose what they want) otherwise change herself (Maybe its too late now). If she believes its GROOOOOOOOOSSSS Injustice and Domestic VIOLENCE then dont stay there.
The root of these kinda issues lie in the system itself, we marry someone and try to make him/her the RIGHT person; instead of marrying the RIGHT person. Earlier generation could easily manage that because most of them think more or less the same way. There were no FEMINISM it was all HUMANISM. If you are not familiar with Feminism, you can read about a bit here http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-225922
(Global Perspectives)
Yes territories! LTTE is like a whore wrongfully asking for a space in Sri lanka which is like a family. A wife is not a whore. She has the legal and social license to ask for some personal space in her husband’s life. She is asking for a space like one of those rightfully formed territories of India which are harmoniously coexisting with other states and territories of our country like a big family. Does any one territory of our country have the right to dominate or take the space of another territory? You know what’s going to happen in such a case don’t you? This is already happening in our country and you can see the destruction it is causing.
(Local Perspectives)
Ego ? Did Rohan give Deepa a chance to see if she was actually having ego? She was infact asking for an across the table discussion. But they didn’t.
When this closely knit family couldn’t accommodate a new comer, why did they bring her at all? 5 years of marriage and she is a depressed wreck. Now they are leaving her mid-way. She will simply drown in the water. Don’t stay there right? Easier said than done. You should understand the emotional agony she is undergoing. After this she will have to lead her life alone or find a man with three kids. Do you think she can accommodate another person when she loves her husband so much?
What HUMANISM are you talking about ? You are encouraging the domination of one person over the other which is, if I am not mistaken ANTI-HUMANISM which you are rampantly expressing out here ! Pls learn the definition of humanism if you don’t know. It means equal rights, spaces and peaceful coexistence. ONE WORLD ONE DREAM is about respect, fair treatment and co-existence by respecting each other’s individuality. Its not about mutilating another person’s identity by curbing her individuality and snatching her space that she truly deserves.
Tell you what Mr. Suryadas, I think you don’t need a wife. Maybe you have a sister who can substitute a wife for you in all ways. If this is correct then there is something very wrong with you
When this closely knit family couldn’t accommodate a new comer, why did they bring her at all? 5 years of marriage and she is a depressed wreck. Now they are leaving her mid-way. She will simply drown in the water. Don’t stay there right? Easier said than done. You should understand the emotional agony she is undergoing. After this she will have to lead her life alone or find a man with three kids. Do you think she can accommodate another person when she loves her husband so much?
What HUMANISM are you talking about ? You are encouraging the domination of one person over the other which is, if I am not mistaken ANTI-HUMANISM which you are rampantly expressing out here ! Pls learn the definition of humanism if you don’t know. It means equal rights, spaces and peaceful coexistence. ONE WORLD ONE DREAM is about respect, fair treatment and co-existence by respecting each other’s individuality. Its not about mutilating another person’s identity by curbing her individuality and snatching her space that she truly deserves.
Tell you what Mr. Suryadas, I think you don’t need a wife. Maybe you have a sister who can substitute a wife for you in all ways. If this is correct then there is something very wrong with you
(Local Perspectives)
5 years? Damn it. Five years of painful sex and no kids? Normally women ask for 10k to over 1 lakh monthly maintenance after a few weeks or few months of marriage, the reason being she got used with the enviroment at husband’s place; she has the ”right” to maintain the same standard of living! I’m wondering even after 5 years why Deepa didnt get used with it? Or was that 5 years of battle at home which made Rohan fed up to take the extreme step?
BTW in the family and cultural background that I grew up there is only one definition for ’sister’. I dont know about yours!
BTW in the family and cultural background that I grew up there is only one definition for ’sister’. I dont know about yours!
(Global Perspectives)
”Ignoring her in-laws is a good suggestion, but when they are so proactive in damaging her relationship with her husband by continuously giving distorted or false feedbacks about her, it becomes rather difficult.”
.....I don’t think there is any other better alternative left.She has to rely on this if she is really interested in saving her marriage.
Although there are many points that go against her,it’s clear that she is flogging a dead horse.It’s a relationship gone sour.It’s a result of not using brains while choosing the life partner even as she belonged to urban and educated background.
What made him take the words of his potential husband on their face value ?It’s really difficult to believe that anybody can lure a lady of this type !
I don’t think she is doing anything right by trying her level best to retain the bonds with husband more so when the evidences prove that living alone would serve the purpose of Deepa more than living with the husband.
There is ”painful sex”,”dowry harassment” and ”mental cruelty”.So why she wants to be in the relationship at all?The apparent reason offered by the author of the post is that she is a bold lady who knows the importance or relationship and therefore she can go to any extent to preserve the bond.If that’s the case she should have moved ahead without making it known to the outside world her own pathetic position and allowed the time to heal the wounds.Why is she trying to appear as lady in pain?
It’s quite clear that there is an attempt on her part to pose herself as a victim and generate some sort of sympathy wave.Had this not been the case,she would have used tact to marginalize her in laws.
Anyway,I have full sympathy for this lady.She is indeed mired in troubles and pains.
However,I still feel that there are many other hidden aspects.That will only be revealed when we have the version of her husband and her sister.Only then we will come to know what the case really is.
.....I don’t think there is any other better alternative left.She has to rely on this if she is really interested in saving her marriage.
Although there are many points that go against her,it’s clear that she is flogging a dead horse.It’s a relationship gone sour.It’s a result of not using brains while choosing the life partner even as she belonged to urban and educated background.
What made him take the words of his potential husband on their face value ?It’s really difficult to believe that anybody can lure a lady of this type !
I don’t think she is doing anything right by trying her level best to retain the bonds with husband more so when the evidences prove that living alone would serve the purpose of Deepa more than living with the husband.
There is ”painful sex”,”dowry harassment” and ”mental cruelty”.So why she wants to be in the relationship at all?The apparent reason offered by the author of the post is that she is a bold lady who knows the importance or relationship and therefore she can go to any extent to preserve the bond.If that’s the case she should have moved ahead without making it known to the outside world her own pathetic position and allowed the time to heal the wounds.Why is she trying to appear as lady in pain?
It’s quite clear that there is an attempt on her part to pose herself as a victim and generate some sort of sympathy wave.Had this not been the case,she would have used tact to marginalize her in laws.
Anyway,I have full sympathy for this lady.She is indeed mired in troubles and pains.
However,I still feel that there are many other hidden aspects.That will only be revealed when we have the version of her husband and her sister.Only then we will come to know what the case really is.
(Local Perspectives)
Flogging a dead horse ? I think most reform movements of this world required flogging dead horses, struggle and pain. Many of our great people have undergone tremendous hardships to bring reforms. Escape? They could have easily done that.
Could you please elucidate upon the points that go against her?
Its not a case of not using brains and taking things at face value. They have a common relative whom Deepa’s father sent to verify their background etc. Mind you this is an arranged marriage and its really not possible to assess people thoroughly. Everything appeared fine to the relative by talking with them and she recommended the proposal. Anyways can you assess if a man is a puppet in someone’s hands before staying with him?
If you want to know why she wants to remain in the bond, please read my answer to Prassoon, below. You will find it in the last paragraph.
She is not trying to appear as a lady in pain. She is actually in pain. Why she is telling the outside world is because she not only loves him but wants to reform him too. If she would have only loved him, she would have taken the pain silently, but since she wants to reform him(pls read my latest comment to Prassoon to know why ) she is just asking for some social empowerment because he is not ready to listen to her. He values the word of outside people ( ghar ki murgi dal barabar types !).But she has not asked me to write a blog on this. I have done this because I want to show her these comments and let her know what the world feels about her problem. I have not done this to generate a sympathy wave.
Sometimes you have to believe media and you have to believe bloggers. If you think there are some hidden aspects you should meet these people personally. Do you agree? Well one thing that appears to have irritated her in-laws was she would not silently suffer and called a spade a spade.
Could you please elucidate upon the points that go against her?
Its not a case of not using brains and taking things at face value. They have a common relative whom Deepa’s father sent to verify their background etc. Mind you this is an arranged marriage and its really not possible to assess people thoroughly. Everything appeared fine to the relative by talking with them and she recommended the proposal. Anyways can you assess if a man is a puppet in someone’s hands before staying with him?
If you want to know why she wants to remain in the bond, please read my answer to Prassoon, below. You will find it in the last paragraph.
She is not trying to appear as a lady in pain. She is actually in pain. Why she is telling the outside world is because she not only loves him but wants to reform him too. If she would have only loved him, she would have taken the pain silently, but since she wants to reform him(pls read my latest comment to Prassoon to know why ) she is just asking for some social empowerment because he is not ready to listen to her. He values the word of outside people ( ghar ki murgi dal barabar types !).But she has not asked me to write a blog on this. I have done this because I want to show her these comments and let her know what the world feels about her problem. I have not done this to generate a sympathy wave.
Sometimes you have to believe media and you have to believe bloggers. If you think there are some hidden aspects you should meet these people personally. Do you agree? Well one thing that appears to have irritated her in-laws was she would not silently suffer and called a spade a spade.
(Local Perspectives)
@Leena
I have read your responses to Prassoon and others many times.Though she is trapped in virtually irreparable situation,I must admire her capacity to remain optimistic.There is some hope if she fight fire with fire.There is some hope if they both live beyond the reach of in-laws.
However,the better way is to go in for total separation and start a new life.Leave the past behind.Leave that man at the mercy of fate.
And yes, I wanted to hear the versions of her husband and his sister not because I doubt your version but because the ”natural justice” demands that all involved parties should be given the opportunity to present their side of the story.
Anyway,I pray that this lady emerge victorious in this very tough battle!!
I have read your responses to Prassoon and others many times.Though she is trapped in virtually irreparable situation,I must admire her capacity to remain optimistic.There is some hope if she fight fire with fire.There is some hope if they both live beyond the reach of in-laws.
However,the better way is to go in for total separation and start a new life.Leave the past behind.Leave that man at the mercy of fate.
And yes, I wanted to hear the versions of her husband and his sister not because I doubt your version but because the ”natural justice” demands that all involved parties should be given the opportunity to present their side of the story.
Anyway,I pray that this lady emerge victorious in this very tough battle!!
(Local Perspectives)
Hi Arvind,
Thanks for wishing Deepa success. I think she will have to ultimately leave him to fate if he does not hold her helping hand.
As for your words,
”natural justice” demands that all involved parties should be given the opportunity to present their side of the story.
I agree with you fully. Both parties should be there for a hearing. Even if you present them here what guarantee is there that they will not distort or concoct facts ? Let me give you an example of this, the SIL is telling all relatives that Deepa warned her agianst coming to her house. The truth is though Deepa never entertianed the idea of setting up a common kitchen with her SIL becoz of her severe financial problems, she never warned her SIL agianst coming to her house. Infact, she was courteous. Most probably concocted stories of this kind might have reached her husband also because of which he hates her so much. But is there any proof that Deepa did not say that ? Now she has to bear that false allegation. For that matter, its not necessary that one should believe what Deepa says also. Then what is the solutiuon for this?
I have presented this story to ask what a girl should do if her situations she mentioned here are true.
Thanks for wishing Deepa success. I think she will have to ultimately leave him to fate if he does not hold her helping hand.
As for your words,
”natural justice” demands that all involved parties should be given the opportunity to present their side of the story.
I agree with you fully. Both parties should be there for a hearing. Even if you present them here what guarantee is there that they will not distort or concoct facts ? Let me give you an example of this, the SIL is telling all relatives that Deepa warned her agianst coming to her house. The truth is though Deepa never entertianed the idea of setting up a common kitchen with her SIL becoz of her severe financial problems, she never warned her SIL agianst coming to her house. Infact, she was courteous. Most probably concocted stories of this kind might have reached her husband also because of which he hates her so much. But is there any proof that Deepa did not say that ? Now she has to bear that false allegation. For that matter, its not necessary that one should believe what Deepa says also. Then what is the solutiuon for this?
I have presented this story to ask what a girl should do if her situations she mentioned here are true.
(Local Perspectives)
@Prassoon,
”Or was that 5 years of battle at home which made Rohan fed up to take the extreme step?”
Reply :
You want to know what the battle was about? I did not write in the main article becoz it would become pages long.
First, have you ever seen an MBA(gold medalist) with 10 years of work experience on the streets ? Yes, Rohan is homeless now. Deepa does not know where he is.
This is the story :
Though from a middle class background, both Rohan and his sister dream of becoming Ambanis or Mittals overnight. Rohan doesn’t have any financial support other than his salary to bank upon. His sister, his friend philosopher and guide, told him to make investments in business projects by taking huge loans. So he took, from financial agencies, banks, friends and credit card agencies. He also put his entire salary into the business venture. The venture failed. You know how real estate in India is now. Now he does not have the capacity to repay the loans and he has vacated the house and absconding as many of the lenders have threatened to take police action on him. He is on the streets now.
Deepa had sensed this long time ago. He would ask her to get money all of a sudden from her parents or friends. She helped him out, but did not like all this. She was happy with his salary. She told him that people could become rich just by having a steady career and as he had the qualification and ability to do so, he need not waste money in business ventures when he did not have enough financial cushioning. Several times, she told him that he need not take the risk of making investments and taking loans when he did not have the capacity to repay them back. But he would not listen. His sister told him that according to astrological predictions he would become a crorepati and he needed to invest in business because by luck he was supposed to get bags of wealth ! You see his plight now!
His upbringing has taught him to borrow things from people and escape or delay paying them back. Credit card agents would knock on the door asking for payments and this person would hide. He would tell Deepa to tell some cock and bull stories to the agents which she could not do expertly. He would criticize her for that saying that his sister was intelligent enough to concoct stories for him and escape payment. Sabzi wala, fruit wala, medical store wala, internet wala, house owner all are waiting for their payments. Deepa would tell him to take up a steady job, but he didn’t like that. Many times at the time of crisis Deepa would pay up with her personal savings or ask her father to help. Many times he would send Deepa off to her parents saying that he did not have the money to feed her.
Deepa is really hurt by all this. Now she does not know where her husband is. She can’t bear the thought of her husband roaming about on the streets. His sister told him that all this happened becoz Deepa brought bad luck for him and she should be thrown out of the house and that’s why he wants divorce. She would advise him to take big loans when he didn’t have the capacity to repay them. When Deepa would object, he would get angry with her.
Deepa can sense that after the death of his mother, he did not have any proper guidance in life. Not that he does not have intelligence or qualification, but he did not utilize them properly. She knows that his environment is bad and he needs to come out of it if he wants to shine in life. This was why she wanted to live separately with her husband. His career was failing and she wanted to help him out in that, but he did not give her opportunity to. This was where she wanted some wifely rights to save him from his career disaster. But he would never take her advice. Even today, when he is on the streets she calls him up to say she will arrange accommodation for him, but he feels she has brought bad luck to him and she should divorce him.
Deepa is a good looking, educated and urban girl . Getting a second groom for herself is no problem, but you know why she doesn’t want to quit ? Becoz, she knows that someday her husband is going to land up in prison or will die on the streets. She wants to save him from that. She views him as a child who is lured by a sweetmeat that is bad for his health. The child might throw tantrums and ask the mother to get out, but will the mother leave the child?
”Or was that 5 years of battle at home which made Rohan fed up to take the extreme step?”
Reply :
You want to know what the battle was about? I did not write in the main article becoz it would become pages long.
First, have you ever seen an MBA(gold medalist) with 10 years of work experience on the streets ? Yes, Rohan is homeless now. Deepa does not know where he is.
This is the story :
Though from a middle class background, both Rohan and his sister dream of becoming Ambanis or Mittals overnight. Rohan doesn’t have any financial support other than his salary to bank upon. His sister, his friend philosopher and guide, told him to make investments in business projects by taking huge loans. So he took, from financial agencies, banks, friends and credit card agencies. He also put his entire salary into the business venture. The venture failed. You know how real estate in India is now. Now he does not have the capacity to repay the loans and he has vacated the house and absconding as many of the lenders have threatened to take police action on him. He is on the streets now.
Deepa had sensed this long time ago. He would ask her to get money all of a sudden from her parents or friends. She helped him out, but did not like all this. She was happy with his salary. She told him that people could become rich just by having a steady career and as he had the qualification and ability to do so, he need not waste money in business ventures when he did not have enough financial cushioning. Several times, she told him that he need not take the risk of making investments and taking loans when he did not have the capacity to repay them back. But he would not listen. His sister told him that according to astrological predictions he would become a crorepati and he needed to invest in business because by luck he was supposed to get bags of wealth ! You see his plight now!
His upbringing has taught him to borrow things from people and escape or delay paying them back. Credit card agents would knock on the door asking for payments and this person would hide. He would tell Deepa to tell some cock and bull stories to the agents which she could not do expertly. He would criticize her for that saying that his sister was intelligent enough to concoct stories for him and escape payment. Sabzi wala, fruit wala, medical store wala, internet wala, house owner all are waiting for their payments. Deepa would tell him to take up a steady job, but he didn’t like that. Many times at the time of crisis Deepa would pay up with her personal savings or ask her father to help. Many times he would send Deepa off to her parents saying that he did not have the money to feed her.
Deepa is really hurt by all this. Now she does not know where her husband is. She can’t bear the thought of her husband roaming about on the streets. His sister told him that all this happened becoz Deepa brought bad luck for him and she should be thrown out of the house and that’s why he wants divorce. She would advise him to take big loans when he didn’t have the capacity to repay them. When Deepa would object, he would get angry with her.
Deepa can sense that after the death of his mother, he did not have any proper guidance in life. Not that he does not have intelligence or qualification, but he did not utilize them properly. She knows that his environment is bad and he needs to come out of it if he wants to shine in life. This was why she wanted to live separately with her husband. His career was failing and she wanted to help him out in that, but he did not give her opportunity to. This was where she wanted some wifely rights to save him from his career disaster. But he would never take her advice. Even today, when he is on the streets she calls him up to say she will arrange accommodation for him, but he feels she has brought bad luck to him and she should divorce him.
Deepa is a good looking, educated and urban girl . Getting a second groom for herself is no problem, but you know why she doesn’t want to quit ? Becoz, she knows that someday her husband is going to land up in prison or will die on the streets. She wants to save him from that. She views him as a child who is lured by a sweetmeat that is bad for his health. The child might throw tantrums and ask the mother to get out, but will the mother leave the child?
(Local Perspectives)
hmm this has nothing to do with dowry harassment. People tend to be super believers in two occassions, 1) While watching sports 2) While doing business.
When one is drowned in debt to the bottom they will ask money even from pillars and posts. Deepa is just one among them.
If possible get him some money to go abroad. Things will be alright in few years.
When one is drowned in debt to the bottom they will ask money even from pillars and posts. Deepa is just one among them.
If possible get him some money to go abroad. Things will be alright in few years.
(Global Perspectives)
@Prassoon
Thanks for the advice. Infact Deepa had thought in similar lines long ago when she sensed that trouble was brewing. Her parents and brother are ready to send him abroad or settle him down with a good career. Even today they call him up asking if he needs any help, even though he does not disclose his address.
But the problem is, Rohan does not listen. He does not want to go abroad or out of the city which would mean geographical separation from sister. He does not even want to move out of the locality.Even the sister does not let him go.Now what’s the solution ?
Deepa’s parents can finance Rohan, but can they finance his sister and her entire family of 4 members? Deepa’s father is retired.
Thanks for the advice. Infact Deepa had thought in similar lines long ago when she sensed that trouble was brewing. Her parents and brother are ready to send him abroad or settle him down with a good career. Even today they call him up asking if he needs any help, even though he does not disclose his address.
But the problem is, Rohan does not listen. He does not want to go abroad or out of the city which would mean geographical separation from sister. He does not even want to move out of the locality.Even the sister does not let him go.Now what’s the solution ?
Deepa’s parents can finance Rohan, but can they finance his sister and her entire family of 4 members? Deepa’s father is retired.
(Local Perspectives)
Also in addition to my previous comment...
He does not want to work also. Deepa said that she would run the family and if he did not want to work, he could relax at home. But as she would not get a huge salary to run a family independently, she asked him to come and stay with her in her own house at Kolkata, as she would be saving the house rent. In Hyderabad, she would have to pay a huge rent for a decent flat. But this person refuses to listen because coming to Kolkata would mean separating from sister.
Coming to dowry, though there was no severe harrasment there were complaints which Deepa is ready to overlook and have a peaceful setup.
He does not want to work also. Deepa said that she would run the family and if he did not want to work, he could relax at home. But as she would not get a huge salary to run a family independently, she asked him to come and stay with her in her own house at Kolkata, as she would be saving the house rent. In Hyderabad, she would have to pay a huge rent for a decent flat. But this person refuses to listen because coming to Kolkata would mean separating from sister.
Coming to dowry, though there was no severe harrasment there were complaints which Deepa is ready to overlook and have a peaceful setup.
(Local Perspectives)
@ Arvind
Hi Arvind, you got me wrong. I have no problems with this buffoonary. I was just kicking Radar’s ass and checking for his response.
Interestingly, he replied with a nickname for me (which I loved), but not here, somewhere else.
Anyway, twisting names is still a lesser crime as compared to calling others with F-words. What do you say?
Hi Arvind, you got me wrong. I have no problems with this buffoonary. I was just kicking Radar’s ass and checking for his response.
Interestingly, he replied with a nickname for me (which I loved), but not here, somewhere else.
Anyway, twisting names is still a lesser crime as compared to calling others with F-words. What do you say?
(Local Perspectives)
@Aneez
Thanks for the clarification.
In my eyes,twisting names and hurling F-words serve no purpose other than creating distraction in a serious debate.
Okay.There are occasions in heated debate when we give to F-words but nowadays we are using them too frequentely mainly to have an edge over the opponents.What’s the point in chanting them like a morning mantra?
The harsh truth is that people devoid of better views enter in name twisting and calling names.
If you look at ther debates of our times,you will find that they have become ideal place to learn the techniques of name calling !
Thanks for the clarification.
In my eyes,twisting names and hurling F-words serve no purpose other than creating distraction in a serious debate.
Okay.There are occasions in heated debate when we give to F-words but nowadays we are using them too frequentely mainly to have an edge over the opponents.What’s the point in chanting them like a morning mantra?
The harsh truth is that people devoid of better views enter in name twisting and calling names.
If you look at ther debates of our times,you will find that they have become ideal place to learn the techniques of name calling !
(Local Perspectives)
I think this conversation has come to an end. Thank you everybody for giving your suggestions to this distressed wife desperately in love with her husband. I am grateful to the people who have empathized with her for understanding her problem. My special thanks to those who have ignored to acknowledge her pain and mercilessly tried to blame her for whatever happened in her life becoz tomorrow she might have to face the same kind of an opposition in court which she has to fight. This will prepare her for that.
I don’t know how many of you will blame Deepa for whatever happened in her life. For each and every point that was raised against her, I have given an argument that actually is a fact. Don’t you think if Deepa were given the basic amenities that she was entitled to she would have accepted her in-laws well ? Rohan had created this crisis. When he knew he could be so irresponsible, why did he marry in the first place? Rather, he treated Deepa like an ATM machine, not she.
Deepa believes his financial crisis to be genuine, but some veterans are saying that these financial crises that Rohan is presenting are fake and he is doing all this to extract money from Deepa or to avoid compensation in the event of a divorce. These days it seems many men, fearing dowry penalty, are not asking for money directly but indirectly resorting to all kinds of fraudulent activities. If this were true, I’m surprised how low men, not women, can stoop down to for money. Investigations are going on… lets see what happens.
Yes Deepa is a sati savitri of today. Only that she is not silently accepting her fate, but she is fighting. But I feel sorry for her. Selfless love and an effort to correct a wrong person which were looked upon as virtues seem to be useless qualities that a person should get rid of becoz in this world there seems to be no place for them. However, I feel rectification takes more courage than divorce. Most of us try to get rid of the problem which is a very sensible thing to do in most cases, but here is a women who wants to cure it.
Thanks once again for listening to this story of a woman in distress.
I don’t know how many of you will blame Deepa for whatever happened in her life. For each and every point that was raised against her, I have given an argument that actually is a fact. Don’t you think if Deepa were given the basic amenities that she was entitled to she would have accepted her in-laws well ? Rohan had created this crisis. When he knew he could be so irresponsible, why did he marry in the first place? Rather, he treated Deepa like an ATM machine, not she.
Deepa believes his financial crisis to be genuine, but some veterans are saying that these financial crises that Rohan is presenting are fake and he is doing all this to extract money from Deepa or to avoid compensation in the event of a divorce. These days it seems many men, fearing dowry penalty, are not asking for money directly but indirectly resorting to all kinds of fraudulent activities. If this were true, I’m surprised how low men, not women, can stoop down to for money. Investigations are going on… lets see what happens.
Yes Deepa is a sati savitri of today. Only that she is not silently accepting her fate, but she is fighting. But I feel sorry for her. Selfless love and an effort to correct a wrong person which were looked upon as virtues seem to be useless qualities that a person should get rid of becoz in this world there seems to be no place for them. However, I feel rectification takes more courage than divorce. Most of us try to get rid of the problem which is a very sensible thing to do in most cases, but here is a women who wants to cure it.
Thanks once again for listening to this story of a woman in distress.
(Local Perspectives)
Leena ji,
I feel sorry for Deepa’s plight.Deep apears to be a true Bhartiya nari who never finds fault with husband.Deepa’s point of view is very clear in this blog.If some how, you make her husband to go through this and manage to obtain his openion, you would be helping Deepa to take well informed and considered decision of her life.
May God give her courage to bear the trauma and help here to come out of this distress soon.
I feel sorry for Deepa’s plight.Deep apears to be a true Bhartiya nari who never finds fault with husband.Deepa’s point of view is very clear in this blog.If some how, you make her husband to go through this and manage to obtain his openion, you would be helping Deepa to take well informed and considered decision of her life.
May God give her courage to bear the trauma and help here to come out of this distress soon.
(Local Perspectives)
Add your Comment
Men will remarry immediately after the divorce and divorce is a legal okay note for them to carry on with their prospects.
Deepa has and deserves a life to live. She does not have children at this time. If she has made enough attempts to rectify the marriage and the husband / his family does not mend, I think she should divorce and remarry and start her life afresh.
When two people decide to get a divorce, it isn’t a sign that they don’t understand one another, but a sign that they have, at last, begun to. — Helen Rowland [American journalist]
Also, is the presence of children the only reason why a marriage should be patched up? Its easy for a man to end up a marriage and start with another, but think about the woman who was lured into making an emotional investment. According to Indian tradition, a woman surrenders herself, emotionally and in all other ways to her husband who promises to give her a good life. Is it possible for her to forget all that easily and start off with a new life? A man might compensate financially, but can he compensate her emotional investment? In this case the man is also trying to get away with financial compensation.
In society, people get away with their crimes with a divorce. The victims suffer a lot. Isn’t it our responsibility to empower the victims and see teach the culprits al lesson?
In my opinion she should find out ways to live in a different city far from her in-laws if she really wants to change her husband’s conservative mindset.The process can be real slow but there will be change.