Dear Brother,

I know you don’t like me but the time has come for our reconciliation. Mom has become old and ill and we need to save her –even at the cost your enmity with me.
Brother, I know you came into this world five years before I did and for all those years you very the only one who had Mom and Dad’s love and attention. But after I came, you had to share their love and attention with me. I know you don’t like that. But, I am sorry. I can do nothing about that. Mom and Dad brought me into this world just like you.

I know you hated it when I did well in school and I got prizes and people praised me. You would beat me after that. You do that even today, when we are grown up individuals. Brother, it feels really bad to know that you hate me such a lot. The first time you raised your hand on me, nobody stopped you. Mom felt that you being a boy of the family had the right to be rude to me, a girl of the house. Dad tried to explain things to you, but mom intervened and said that in our families the males had the right to behave rudely with women and women had to suffer. After that it has become a habit with you. Please brother, don’t beat me. It hurts very much.

Brother, I would like you to know that horror movies scare me. When you play a horror movie in the home theatre, you don’t tell me beforehand that it’s a horror film and when I come across a very scary scene and get scared to death, you enjoy my plight. Why do you force me to watch such films and that too without warning? Brother, watching such movies is a torture. Why do you want to torture me this way- all because you wanted to be the only child of the family?

Brother, I don’t look all that bad. But you took a snap of mine when I was looking my worst, made a big poster out of it and distributed it amongst my friends. Do you know how much I cried that day? When suitors came to see me with the intention of marrying me, you made fun of me in front of them. When I got married finally, you told my in-laws that I was bad by nature. Do you know the effect of what you said? My in-laws really feel that I am a bad woman. My family life is disturbed. Why, brother, why are you so mean to me? What have I done to deserve this?

Even the other day, when I told you about my concern about Mom’s illness, you just ignored my worries and found fault with me for forgetting to congratulate you on a promotion you got in office.

Brother, now our parents have grown old. Their health is failing them. Mom is very sick and she wants to see us happy and together. She is sick and tired of our fights. She realizes the mistake she has made. But I don’t find any fault with her. She has inherited her gender-biased outlook from her family. She is not to blame for that. She wants to see us united now.

Brother, please remind yourself of the Rakhi that I tie you every year. Sisters tie Rakhi to their brothers to ensure a ‘raksha bandhan’( a sacred relationship between a brother and a sister that makes the brother a protector of the sister in life). This relationship is valued so much in our society, that women make brothers when they don’t have own brothers by tying Rakhies to their male friends. I am lucky to have an own brother like you to whom I tie it. Please brother respect it and what it stands for.

Your loving sister,

Rajeshwari.

This was a letter that I found on the passenger seat of a cab that I was traveling in, the other day.

Sibling abuse is a matter of serious concern. It is a very traumatic condition. It is generally overlooked. Older and larger siblings usually victimize the younger ones and sometimes this can be dangerous also. It is different from sibling rivalry which usually exists between young children and gets resolved as they grow up.

It is very important for parents to prepare their first child for the entry of the second one into the family. Usually most parents do that. But when that is not done, the first child may develop hostilities for the second out of personal insecurities. For that matter, either of the siblings might develop hostilities for the other owing to personal insecurities and personality problems. The parents need to sense that and resolve them as early as possible in life. If required, psycholigcal help should be taken.It is usually seen more between children of the same sex, but it does happen between children of opposite sexes too.

A bit of a conflict and healthy competitive attitude does exist between all siblings. But signs of prolonged conflict and hostilities are a serious issue and need to be addressed immediately. Sadly, gender bias is another issue that is still plaguing society to a certain extent even today.

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