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Beating a child is disciplining, beating a spouse is domestic violence!
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E-mailMade Popular Nov 12 2008
India :
A young couple, Rajesh and Uma, reside with their three year old daughter in my neighborhood. They are good natured by heart, but both get into fits of rage at the slightest provocation. Recently an incident occurred in the family…
It was lunch time and Uma was warming up food in the kitchen. Sonia, the little girl, was hanging around the dining table, eagerly waiting for lunch. Being an active child, she could not sit calmly on her chair for long. She got up and climbed up the table and started dancing on it. As a result, an expensive flower vase that was resting on the table fell off it and broke to pieces instantly, on hitting the floor. The child started crying in fear. Uma on sensing the commotion ran out of the kitchen and within minutes, she started planting blows on the tender cheeks of her child. She repeatedly cursed the baby for being naughty.
When Uma was ready to plant her third blow on the baby, Rajesh entered the house (he usually comes home for lunch). But that did not stop Uma from slapping the poor kid once more. The little baby’s cheeks were red and scarred. Rajesh ordered his wife to stop immediately, but Uma simply ignored him. He warned that he would beat her if she beat the child further to show her how it felt when beaten. Uma ignored the warning and was about to plant the next blow on the traumatized baby, when Rajesh slapped Uma hard a couple of times. Her face was scarred too, just like her daughter’s, with the blows! That was it!
Uma packed her bags and left for her parent’s house along with the baby. She filed a case against her husband for domestic violence and was preparing for divorce. In an effort towards sorting out matters, Rajesh went to a legal counselor for advice and narrated the entire incident. The counselor said that every parent beats his/her child for disciplining him/her and it is not an offence, unless it is very severe. But beating a spouse is an offence, whatever the severity, and it amounts to domestic violence! Hence his wife was justified in filing a case against him.
I am enraged by the fact that parents get away with beating their tender children under the name of disciplining them and nothing much is done about it. Corporeal punishment is the last form of disciplining. It is not to be used at all or used sparingly when all the other methods fail. But unfortunately this is the first method that parents use to discipline their kids. This act might cripple the sound mental development of the kid. They develop personality complexes and might even become rebellious and in extreme cases psychotic.
The domestic violence law has recently included violence against children, but it is not being implemented strictly. Beating children is a far greater crime than beating adults and the offenders should be punished more severely.
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Leena, very well written, once again. Whatever you have pointed to, I completely agree. Nonethless, being a mother of a 9 year old son myself I can very well imagine the tremendous duress and patience a mom has to have to deal with a growing child. Patience really runs out fast,this much I can tell you! And if the father feels that hitting the spouse will make her understand the repurcussions of her behavior I feel that is a very wrong approach to the entire problem! One of the partners have to be patient and understanding in such situations. Otherwise the result will be catastrophic.
(Local Perspectives)
Hi Reshmi, Thank you very much for visiting and bringing forward a highly valid perspective that one of the parents should be calm. Ideally, that is the way it should be Reshmi. But think about this, this woman could have stopped at one blow. She didn’t. Even when her husband asked her stop she didn’t. His warning also did not have any effect on her. Shouldn’t she have stopped when he asked her to relax. The baby was already traumatized.
(Local Perspectives)
In New Zealand it is illegal to strike a child of any age.It is a sad story for the family concerned. It becomes a cycle of abuse instead of communication and understanding. The small child will carry the trauma of the event for life. The passion to dance and enjoy lunch is of greater importance than the vase.
(Global Perspectives)
Hello Marie…thanks for visiting and sharing a beautiful opinion that dancing and enjoying lunch is of greater importance than a vase. But sadly few parents realize this. She could have scolded the kid, but beating her, that too repeatedly is definitely a very cruel thing to do.
(Local Perspectives)
@ Marie ,
Like to inform you that even India it is illegal to strike a child of any age .Here is the Law :
Corporal punishment is lawful in the home. The Penal Code (1860, with amendments) recognises the right of parents to use corporal punishment.
Children have limited protection from violence and abuse under the Penal Code, the Juvenile Justice (Care and Protection of Children) Act (2000, amended 2006), the Protection of Child Rights Act (2005) and the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act (2005, in effect 2006). Section 23 of the Juvenile Justice (Care and Protection of Children) Act punishes cruelty to children: “Whoever, having the actual charge of, or control over, a juvenile or the child, assaults, abandons, exposes or wilfully neglects the juvenile or causes or procures him to be assaulted, abandoned, exposed or neglected in a manner likely to cause such juvenile or the child unnecessary mental or physical suffering shall be punishable with imprisonment for a team which may extend to six months, or fine, or with both.”
Yours,
Arvind K.Pandey
Like to inform you that even India it is illegal to strike a child of any age .Here is the Law :
Corporal punishment is lawful in the home. The Penal Code (1860, with amendments) recognises the right of parents to use corporal punishment.
Children have limited protection from violence and abuse under the Penal Code, the Juvenile Justice (Care and Protection of Children) Act (2000, amended 2006), the Protection of Child Rights Act (2005) and the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act (2005, in effect 2006). Section 23 of the Juvenile Justice (Care and Protection of Children) Act punishes cruelty to children: “Whoever, having the actual charge of, or control over, a juvenile or the child, assaults, abandons, exposes or wilfully neglects the juvenile or causes or procures him to be assaulted, abandoned, exposed or neglected in a manner likely to cause such juvenile or the child unnecessary mental or physical suffering shall be punishable with imprisonment for a team which may extend to six months, or fine, or with both.”
Yours,
Arvind K.Pandey
(Local Perspectives)
Why should the kid be punished... breaking vase or otherwise... it's the parent's fault for leaving this out for easy access. Toddler's do crap like this. I keep all my valuables up high or I assume they will be destroyed by my barbaric 2-year old daughter. no reasoning with these barbarians! just keep stuff away!
(Global Perspectives)
Hi Roxana …Thank you for dropping in and putting in a very sensible comment. Of course, it is parents who are to blame. They should be the ones to take precautions that nothing gets damaged when children are around. I wonder why some parents can’t see through things and think sensibly.
(Local Perspectives)
one wrong should not lead to another wrong
the sooner the ice is broken the better it is
many things can be said in hindsight but one does in the spur of the moment what one should not have done
both parents reacted based on their mental state of mind & personality at that time
it could have been the other way round as well
when in rage people do not respond but continue with their response prompted by emotions
the sooner the ice is broken the better it is
many things can be said in hindsight but one does in the spur of the moment what one should not have done
both parents reacted based on their mental state of mind & personality at that time
it could have been the other way round as well
when in rage people do not respond but continue with their response prompted by emotions
(Local Perspectives)
Hi Shiv ...thanks for coming over. Of course, I do agree with you. One wrong should not lead to another and people do the worng things in emotion. But, in the first palce I think the lady should not have planted blow after blow on the child. She should have scolded the child or stopped after one blow. Even when her husband tired to stop her she ignored him and continued raining slaps on the baby. In such a case, it was natural for the father to get enraged.
(Local Perspectives)
Well, it doesn’t sound like she’s someone he wants to be married to anyway, I just hope he gets custody of some sort!
(Global Perspectives)
Hi Sarah, Nice to see you here.But what makes you think that way?
(Local Perspectives)
@ Leena ,
Thanks for highlighting the fact that in our times the laws meant to protect women are being misused by the women themselves!!!Secondly, if husband and wife are not able to take care of their child in a proper way then why do they give birth to them at all? However, there are occasion when children do cross all limits. So much so that, some sort of mild corporal punishment becomes the necessity .
In a lighter vein, I must inform you that I came to anticipate findings of a very interesting survey that stated that majority of women believe that woman-bashing(including wife) is somewhat necessary to make them remain on right track...ha...ha..ha.Your article reconfirms the findings of that survey.
Yours,
Arvind K.Pandey
Thanks for highlighting the fact that in our times the laws meant to protect women are being misused by the women themselves!!!Secondly, if husband and wife are not able to take care of their child in a proper way then why do they give birth to them at all? However, there are occasion when children do cross all limits. So much so that, some sort of mild corporal punishment becomes the necessity .
In a lighter vein, I must inform you that I came to anticipate findings of a very interesting survey that stated that majority of women believe that woman-bashing(including wife) is somewhat necessary to make them remain on right track...ha...ha..ha.Your article reconfirms the findings of that survey.
Yours,
Arvind K.Pandey
(Local Perspectives)
Hi Arvind,
Thanks for coming over and putting in some really interesting information and the law against violence for children. I am surprised that the law says that it is lawful to use corporeal punishment in the household. No wonder many parents are escaping with cruelty towards their children.
I think just a good scolding can work or just one blow. But people should not inflict four or five blows at a stretch on their babies. That is in no way mild corporal punishment.
And it is rather amusing to know that women feel that women should be bashed…ha..ha..ha. Why should they do something that deserves bashing in the first place? Well, I think man or woman, both deserved to be bashed regardless of their gender, if they bash up their children, the way that lady in my story did.
Thanks for coming over and putting in some really interesting information and the law against violence for children. I am surprised that the law says that it is lawful to use corporeal punishment in the household. No wonder many parents are escaping with cruelty towards their children.
I think just a good scolding can work or just one blow. But people should not inflict four or five blows at a stretch on their babies. That is in no way mild corporal punishment.
And it is rather amusing to know that women feel that women should be bashed…ha..ha..ha. Why should they do something that deserves bashing in the first place? Well, I think man or woman, both deserved to be bashed regardless of their gender, if they bash up their children, the way that lady in my story did.
(Local Perspectives)
@ Leena,
I think we are today living in a very-2 strange world. The whole issue can be viewed in light of an altogether different perspective. Though we have become aware of our rights, we seem to have forgotten our duties! That’s creating lot of problems. Even we were punished by our teachers and parents, whenever we committed mistakes. I hope you must be aware of the one of the favourite one-liners of Indian teachers: Chalo Murga Ban Jao.One of our teachers used to hit us very hard on the palms with wooden ruler or duster in accordance with the dates. If you have committed mistake say on 25th then be prepared to be hit 25 times on your palms!!
Similarly, my parents use to punish me for the mistakes. We do use to raise objections but never reacted violently or for that matter entered in counter arguments in a rough way. Now have a look at Indian villages of yesteryear. You will find that many times husbands came to slap their wives but then wives never made it a issue. After some time they used to regain normalcy as if nothing took place. The issue was never blown out of proportion in the name of rights etc.
Now let’s see what’s happening in present times. Today, if a teacher dares to slap or hit child, the parents are bound to make the life of teacher hellish. If parents fail to do so, the students with the help of classmates are ever ready to teach a lesson to the teacher. You must be aware of many incidents wherein students blackened the face of teachers. I remember an incident where I saw a lady student brought to tears by some students when she protested about the obscene gestures. In homes, the children are leaving no stone unturned in blackmailing their parents. They openly state that either give way to their demands or be ready to face unpleasant consequences. Look at our husbands and wives. If husband dares to slap or raise objection of any sorts, then he should be ready to receive tit for tat. And that’s why hell appears to be a better place than home for many!!!!
In nutshell, many better things have taken a backseat. Today, everyone is armed with rights and is ever ready to teach a lesson to his opponents over insignificant issues. Everybody wants to be a winner and losing is a last thing in our minds. Interestingly, in present times the art of winning with proper arguments is a lost skill. Today, even children appear to bring in use ” Sama,Dama , Bheda and Danda” to gain an edge over their friends, teachers and parents and that too with help of foul language.
I hope Leena you get the message right. We are indeed living in a world where foul is now fair? How are you going to bring things on right track? This so-called talk of leniency appears very strange. Something is missing, isn’t it?
Lastly, that interesting survey appeared in of the prominent dailies.Unfortunately, I don’t remember the details.
(P.S.: I am going to present the whole comment as an article. Have a look at it.)
I think we are today living in a very-2 strange world. The whole issue can be viewed in light of an altogether different perspective. Though we have become aware of our rights, we seem to have forgotten our duties! That’s creating lot of problems. Even we were punished by our teachers and parents, whenever we committed mistakes. I hope you must be aware of the one of the favourite one-liners of Indian teachers: Chalo Murga Ban Jao.One of our teachers used to hit us very hard on the palms with wooden ruler or duster in accordance with the dates. If you have committed mistake say on 25th then be prepared to be hit 25 times on your palms!!
Similarly, my parents use to punish me for the mistakes. We do use to raise objections but never reacted violently or for that matter entered in counter arguments in a rough way. Now have a look at Indian villages of yesteryear. You will find that many times husbands came to slap their wives but then wives never made it a issue. After some time they used to regain normalcy as if nothing took place. The issue was never blown out of proportion in the name of rights etc.
Now let’s see what’s happening in present times. Today, if a teacher dares to slap or hit child, the parents are bound to make the life of teacher hellish. If parents fail to do so, the students with the help of classmates are ever ready to teach a lesson to the teacher. You must be aware of many incidents wherein students blackened the face of teachers. I remember an incident where I saw a lady student brought to tears by some students when she protested about the obscene gestures. In homes, the children are leaving no stone unturned in blackmailing their parents. They openly state that either give way to their demands or be ready to face unpleasant consequences. Look at our husbands and wives. If husband dares to slap or raise objection of any sorts, then he should be ready to receive tit for tat. And that’s why hell appears to be a better place than home for many!!!!
In nutshell, many better things have taken a backseat. Today, everyone is armed with rights and is ever ready to teach a lesson to his opponents over insignificant issues. Everybody wants to be a winner and losing is a last thing in our minds. Interestingly, in present times the art of winning with proper arguments is a lost skill. Today, even children appear to bring in use ” Sama,Dama , Bheda and Danda” to gain an edge over their friends, teachers and parents and that too with help of foul language.
I hope Leena you get the message right. We are indeed living in a world where foul is now fair? How are you going to bring things on right track? This so-called talk of leniency appears very strange. Something is missing, isn’t it?
Lastly, that interesting survey appeared in of the prominent dailies.Unfortunately, I don’t remember the details.
(P.S.: I am going to present the whole comment as an article. Have a look at it.)
(Local Perspectives)
@ Leena
I regret the errors in my previous comment. I have tried my best to remove them in its new incarnation as an article named ” Living In Era Of Tit For Tat ”.
I regret the errors in my previous comment. I have tried my best to remove them in its new incarnation as an article named ” Living In Era Of Tit For Tat ”.
(Local Perspectives)
Hi Leena!
I agree with every word in your article, and with the comments too.
Although I can ”understand” that people lose their temper, I think (like you) that once prosecuted, child-beaters should get higher sentences than adults who slap or hit other adults. After all, their excuse is also please ”understand” I lost my temper....
People even KILL each other because they lose their temper. What kind of excuse is that?
Having said that, as for other crimes, extenuating circumstances (crimial record, stress, illness, divorce, job loss and other things that make people aggressive) should be taken into account too.
The mother who does this for the first time, and only once, is not necessarily the same as the recidivist mother...
Good post, as usual! Thanks...
I agree with every word in your article, and with the comments too.
Although I can ”understand” that people lose their temper, I think (like you) that once prosecuted, child-beaters should get higher sentences than adults who slap or hit other adults. After all, their excuse is also please ”understand” I lost my temper....
People even KILL each other because they lose their temper. What kind of excuse is that?
Having said that, as for other crimes, extenuating circumstances (crimial record, stress, illness, divorce, job loss and other things that make people aggressive) should be taken into account too.
The mother who does this for the first time, and only once, is not necessarily the same as the recidivist mother...
Good post, as usual! Thanks...
(Global Perspectives)
Hi Michael...I am really happy to see you here. Thank you very much for your insights. You have viewed the act from a deeper perspective of there being the possibility of some kind of history due to which people might behave cruelly. Yeah, I do agree with you there. There are a lot of parents who take out their circumstantial frustrations on their children. But is that fair, why should the poor babies suffer because of that?
But there are quite a number of people who treat children as personal commodities and feel that they can behave with them the way they want to.
But there are quite a number of people who treat children as personal commodities and feel that they can behave with them the way they want to.
(Local Perspectives)
Leena..very good article..an eye opener to many parents..
I am very much against beating kids. I have a 8 yr old boy, I really can’t see tears in his eyes. He is naughty at home, but he behaves when he go out. If children are expected to behave like adults..why are they called children? They should vent their extra energy somewhere.
Some people are so fond of beating their children mercilessly. I really don’t understand how they could do that. Such approach of parents should be changed by good counseling.
I am very much against beating kids. I have a 8 yr old boy, I really can’t see tears in his eyes. He is naughty at home, but he behaves when he go out. If children are expected to behave like adults..why are they called children? They should vent their extra energy somewhere.
Some people are so fond of beating their children mercilessly. I really don’t understand how they could do that. Such approach of parents should be changed by good counseling.
(Global Perspectives)
Hi Maya,
Thank you very much for the visit and voicing your opinion so eloquently. Many children know how to behave, just like your kid.
Beating should not be resorted to unless absolutely necessary and if used, it should be done only sparingly. Four or five blows on a three year old child can be very torturous for the kid.
Thank you very much for the visit and voicing your opinion so eloquently. Many children know how to behave, just like your kid.
Beating should not be resorted to unless absolutely necessary and if used, it should be done only sparingly. Four or five blows on a three year old child can be very torturous for the kid.
(Local Perspectives)
Write article Leena.
I strongly opposed beating small child.
Somedays ago in kolkta a female yoga teacher slapped 8 yr old girl to death.
I strongly opposed beating small child.
Somedays ago in kolkta a female yoga teacher slapped 8 yr old girl to death.
(Local Perspectives)
Ya, a child in Egypt was also beaten to death by a teacher, sadly the teacher only got sentenced to six years in prison!
(Global Perspectives)
Hello Rudra,
Yes, teachers are committing atrocities against school children and getting away with them. But what surprises and enrages me more is that some parents also behave in the same manner. They are really cruel.
Yes, teachers are committing atrocities against school children and getting away with them. But what surprises and enrages me more is that some parents also behave in the same manner. They are really cruel.
(Local Perspectives)
And the teacher in kolkata got bail ..this is india (My god! Punishment of
Killing baby is bailable).Govt. always pamper them and after the misdeed
they scot free
_____
From: Sarah [mailto:
(Local Perspectives)
Add your Comment
THANK YOU for drawing awareness to such an obvious, yet ignored fact.. So many parents find it so easy to raise their hand to their children..
Their are so many positive methods of disciplining a child. Violence creates Violence. These parents are creating chains that most likely will enslave their family’s for generations.. and for what?
Violence, be it by parents, spouses, friends, lovers or anyone else is NEVER discipline..The only thing that will be taught is fear and later HATE...IT IS A LOSS OF CONTROL, AUTO-CONTROL..
Yes, violence does no good to anybody and you cannot teach people things by being violent. Punishment helps in suppressing behavior it does not eliminate it. But many parents do not understand this.